Autumn's Surprise
by kemi1231
Summary: Kindergarten teacher Sawamura Eijun loves the the fall. Just like the leaves, Sawamura's come to expect a sort of change to come with the start of each autumn. So he's prepared for the transfer student in his class, Miyuki Chiyo. What he's not prepared for is her enigmatic father, Miyuki Kazuya, and for him to literally knock Sawamura off his feet. For the Miyusawa Reverse Bang.


**A/N** : It's hard to believe that this project made up basically my entire summer, but it did and I have no regrets. A special thanks to my artist,daiyanoanal ! Without their art I never would have come with this idea on my own, and writing for it has been really great and inspiring! I hope you all enjoy this! I was going for a warm, sweet shoujo-esque feeling (when I'd started all the way back in june I'd just finished Hirunaka no Ryuusei and thought 'that's the feeling I'm going for'). Not sure how well I accomplished that, but it is what it is.

Btw in this story the school year starts in the fall instead of the spring like in a traditional Japanese school year. Oh, and I made up a baseball team. Unless the Lions actually exist in which case go Lions!

* * *

Sawamura has always loved the fall. The leaves' changing colors, the weather that's chilly enough for a sweater but warm enough for a nice walk, the reappearance of pumpkins and squash. As a teacher, fall signifies a new year with new kids. For Sawamura, fall is the start of something new, something different. It's always been that way for him. _Last_ fall, however, was even more different than others, for one significant reason.

That was the fall he met Miyuki Kazuya.

 **Autumn**

In autumn, he met Miyuki for the first time.

It was mid-October and all the kids were extremely excited. He'd gotten the last of the permission slips for the pumpkin farm field trip on Monday, and the kids were excitedly talking about who was going to pick the biggest pumpkin. Class hadn't officially started yet, so Sawamura didn't have to start acting like a teacher yet(not like he ever did).

"You all may as well give up," he said, crouching down to the students' level. "I'm gonna pick out the biggest pumpkin."

That riled the class up. Everyone started talking at once saying things like, "No fair!" or "I'm gonna pick the biggest pumpkin!"

"It's not fair, Sensei!" One of the girls, Hinata, said. "Sensei lived on a farm when he was a kid, so he's seen more pumpkins than us!"

"We didn't grow pumpkins on my farm!" Sawamura tried to tell them, but he could tell they didn't believe him.

"Tell you what," he said, waving the kids to come closer. "I'll make a bet with you guys. I'm gonna pick out a pumpkin, and if the pumpkin you find is bigger than mine I'll make it the class jack-o-lantern. Alright?"

"Yes, Sensei!" they all cheered. The determination in their little faces almost made Sawamura laugh. There was no group of people better at brightening his spirits than his kindergarten class.

"Sensei, I want a piggyback ride." One of the boys demanded. Sawamura knew he was in for it then.

All the students started clamoring for a piggyback ride, giving Sawamura a headache before the bell had even rung. He agreed to giving horseback rides to a few students at a time, so of course everyone proceeded to try and jump on his back.

"Guys...please...I'm gonna…" Sawamura tried to force out. Despite the use of all his strength he succumbed to the pressure and allowed himself to be squashed by the kids' weight. That didn't stop the children from jumping up and down on his back yelling, "Get up, Sensei! Get up!"

Sawamura vaguely heard his name being called, until it's called again, louder.

He turned his head and his brain froze. The first thing he noticed was that there was a man standing in the doorway, and he was quite possibly the most handsome man he had ever seen in his life. Slightly messy brown hair, smooth skin, and wearing a nicely fitted suit, Sawamura was rendered speechless.

"Sawamura-kun!" Haruno's words finally break through his reverie. He realized that he was staring, and if that wasn't embarrassing enough he realized that he was still squashed under the kids.

"Time to get off, you guys." he said in an attempt to gain back his dignity. The kids get off, groaning in disappointment. He stood up and walked over to Haruno, the man, and as he then noticed, a little girl.

"This is the new student I told you about. You did get my email, right?" Haruno asked worriedly.

"I got the email, don't worry." He remembered it perfectly. It's not every day his class got a new student, especially since the school started a month ago. Usually, transfers come in at the beginning or middle of the year. It sparked his interest.

"I should get back to the office, so make sure you leave a good impression!" Haruno smiled pleasantly at Miyuki and looked back at him, letting Sawamura know that the story of his gawking would probably be all over the school by lunch. She leaves without another word.

Sawamura knelt down to the girl. _Miyuki Chiyo, I think that's her name._ he thought. "Chiyo-chan, right? Why don't you join the other students? They love meeting new students."

Chiyo's hands tightened around her little backpack straps. She looked up at her father and he smiled and nodded. She shyly walked over to the playing students, who circled around her immediately.

"Sorry for being late," the father said, bringing Sawamura's attention back to him and instantly wishing he hadn't. _He's even more stunning up close._ Sawamura's too late to squash the thought. "I overslept and forgot to wake Chiyo up and-"

"It's alright!" Sawamura reassured him. "We didn't even start class yet. She's right on time!"

The dad smiled in relief. "That's good then. I want her first day to go well, considering she's in a new school and all."

"Don't worry, no kid stays shy for long in this class. She'll be having fun and running around just like the rest of the kids in a few days, I guarantee it!"

The dad grinned. "I'll take your word for it. It'd be nice if she could feel comfortable enough to make friends or sit on her teacher."

The sly jibe hit Sawamura in slow motion, and before he could come up with a comeback the dad said, "Crap, I gotta get to work! Chiyo, I'm leaving!"

Chiyo looked at him and waved, giving him a tentative smile. The dad smiled back and went out the door.

Sawamura collapsed into his desk chair. "What the hell just happened?" he muttered under his breath. He decided to think it later, not while he was supposed to be teaching. After all, he had strict rules about keeping his work business and personal business separate, and that was definitely personal (as in he personally found that guy hella attractive, even for a dad) so he filed it away for after school. Unfortunately, the female teachers weren't having that.

As soon as he got to the teacher's lounge for lunch he heard someone distinctly whisper, "He was drooling? Over a parent?"

Another person chimed in, "So that's Sawamura-kun's type, huh?"

At the center of it all was Haruno repeating, "It's true, it's true!"

As soon as they saw him they quieted down, but he could feel their gazes and quick whispers as he went to sit with Haruichi.

"Did you really make out with a parent in front of the children?" Haruichi asks as he sits down. Thank god he wasn't eating anything or he might've choked.

" _What?_ I'm gonna kill Haruno!"

Haruichi laughs. "I was hoping that was a rumor. So what really happened?"

Sawamura told him the whole story.

"Eijun-kun, you can't check guys in front of the kids," Haruichi scolded. "You should know better."

He put his head down in shame. "I'm sorry! But you didn't see this guy, Harucchi. He was so…" He didn't know how to end the sentence. Pretty? Hot? Sexy?

"Remember that's your new student's father." He counted on Haruichi to be real with him, but that didn't make his truth bombs hurt any less.

"I know, I know."

Haruichi patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure the rumors will blow over soon enough."

"I hope so. At least that bastard Furuya is out sick, otherwise I'd never live it down." He could already hear Furuya's annoyingly quiet voice saying, _This is why the principal won't acknowledge you_ , referring to the time the principal commented on how well-behaved Furuya's kids were. Leave it to Furuya to turn teaching into a competition.

Haruichi laughed. "You two are ridiculous. Remember that we're stopping by after school to see how he's doing."

Sawamura groaned. "Do I have to come?"

"Yes. Friends check on friends when they're sick."

"I'd hardly call me and him friends."

"You've been saying that for years."

"Well, it's true."

"You're coming."

The day went by as usual and before he knew it it was the end of the of the day. He waved goodbye to the students as each of them left, until soon only one was left.

"Who's picking up, Chiyo? Your mom?" Sawamura asked, sitting leisurely at his desk.

He was surprised at how quickly Chiyo recovered from her shyness. At first she looked slightly uncomfortable at all the sudden attention, but soon she was playing with the other kids like she'd been with the class since the beginning. Her good mood affected the whole class, putting a smile on everyone's faces.

That's why it surprised him so much to see the way her eyes darkened and mouth turned down at the question. "Chiyo?"

"Papa's picking me up. Not Mama."

Sawamura tries to give her a calm smile. "I'm sure your papa will be here soon enough."

As soon as he said that, her dad came rushing in. As soon as Chiyo saw him she ran up to him with a bright smile. "You're here!"

He bends down to ruffle her hair. "Sorry I'm late. I got tied up at the office."

"It's okay, Papa. I had the best day ever!" She jumped up and down as she said this.

"That's a big change from the girl I saw this morning! You can tell me about it in the car." He ushered Chiyo out the door, but not before meeting Sawamura's eyes.

"I guess I can trust your guarantees." He gave Sawamura a warm smile, and Sawamura felt his breath catch.

"I told you. No one can resist having fun in Sawamura-sensei's class!" he said in a loud, booming voice.

The dad laughed. "I'm glad. More than anything, I want Chiyo to have some fun."

The sudden sad look on his face was so eerily similar to his daughter's. Sawamura couldn't help but wonder what would put such a look on both their faces. Before he could say anything, the look was gone and the dad said a prompt goodbye and went out the door with Chiyo.

He didn't even have time to think about what happened before Haruichi appeared, asking him if he wanted to grab dinner after visiting Furuya. Sawamura sighed and let those thoughts slide away.

Somehow, it felt like it was going to be an exciting year.

* * *

At the pumpkin farm, Chiyo picked the biggest pumpkin by far. It was even genuinely bigger than Sawamura's. At first Sawamura was gonna pick an average-sized pumpkin and give the kids a fighting chance, but then he found the perfect jack-o-lantern pumpkin and with jack-o-lanterns bigger the better. Besides, it would've been a good way to teach the kids about good sportsmanship. Then Chiyo, with four other kids, walked up to Sawamura with her pumpkin. He couldn't believe his eyes. Upon first glance, he knew his pumpkin was nothing compared to the perfection of hers. Measuring it when they returned to class confirmed his assumptions. Chiyo had picked the biggest pumpkin and the next day it became the the scariest, most perfect class jack-o-lantern. Her popularity skyrocketed from there, and soon no one could tell that she hadn't always been with them.

Unfortunately, popularity almost often has its ups and downs.

For their quiet activity, Sawamura had the children draw something based on the topic he picked out of a hat. That day, the topic was family.

Sawamura passed out sheets of paper. "Draw everyone in your family, even your pets. And remember to share the crayons!"

He loved quiet activities because it was a chance to take a breath and relax. Plus, it was kinda fun watching the looks of concentration on the kids' tiny faces. They got intense when it came to drawings, which was why it was a great quiet activity.

He was checking his email on his computer when he heard the students getting a little loud. It wasn't too bad, so he decided to leave it alone. Then the yelling started.

"-real mommies don't have wings!"

"My mama does and she's real! Your mama doesn't have wings 'cuz she's boring!"

"You're just saying that 'cuz your mommy isn't real!"

By the time he got over there it was too late. Chiyo pushed the other girl, Natsuki, to the ground.

He grabbed Chiyo's arm. "Chiyo, no!"

Chiyo started to tear up. "I didn't mean to…"

Sawamura moved to Natsuki, who was still on the ground crying. "Natsuki, are you okay?"

"I'm okay," she sniffed.

He turned back to Chiyo. "Chiyo, apologize."

"But she-"

"No buts!" he said sternly. "There's no excuse for pushing someone to the ground. Now apologize."

She looked around at the whole class staring at her and met Sawamura's serious expression. Letting the tears fall down her face she said, "I'm sorry!" and ran right out of the classroom.

"Chiyo!" he called after her. Then he turned to address the other kids. "Class, I'm gonna go find Chiyo. Keep drawing your pictures while I'm gone."

Haruichi's kids were at gym class, so Sawamura asked him to watch his class while he went to look for Chiyo. Luckily, Chiyo didn't go too far the classroom. He found her sitting next to the bathroom doors with her head down on her knees.

"Thank god I found you." He slid down next to her. "You can't run out of the classroom like that, Chiyo. If you had gone any farther we would've both been in trouble."

No response from Chiyo. She didn't even look up, hugging her knees closer to her body.

"What happened, Chiyo? This isn't like you. The Chiyo I know wouldn't hurt her friends for no reason."

She stayed silent.

Sawamura sighed. "I'm not going back until you tell me. I'll wait all day if I have to."

She still refused to speak for a few minutes. Then she said quietly, "I didn't mean to push her. She just made me really upset."

"What did Natsuki say to make you upset?"

"She said my mama wasn't real!" Angry tears slipped down her face. "Just because she can see her mama and mine is an angel in Heaven doesn't mean my mama isn't real! She is real, she just isn't here anymore!"

Sawamura didn't know what to say. Instead he hugged Chiyo, which made her look up.

"She was wrong," he said in a clear voice. "Just because your mom isn't with you anymore, doesn't mean she isn't real. As long as you love your mom, she'll always exist."

That made Chiyo clutch his shirt and cry harder. "I miss Mama so much," she said in between sobs.

"I know. But she's an angel, right?" Chiyo nodded her head. "That means she'll always be with you, watching over you from Heaven."

She cried for a few more minutes until finally taking a few deep, shuddering breaths, and standing up.

Sawamura stood up too. "Just because Natsuki was wrong, though, doesn't mean it's okay to hurt her. Violence is never the answer, alright?"

"I understand. Sorry, Sensei."

Sawamura patted her on the head. "Good. I'm not the one you should be apologizing, though."

Once they got back to the classroom, Chiyo walked up to Natsuki. "Sorry for pushing you, Nat-chan. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Natsuki looked away. "Sorry for saying your mommy wasn't real."

Chiyo smiled. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it."

The mood became bright again, and the peace was restored. But Sawamura couldn't just let this incident go, of course.

At lunch he looked at Chiyo's forms. Her father, Miyuki Kazuya, was listed as her primary contact along with his cell phone number. _I don't want to make Chiyo any more upset than she already is, but I can't give her special treatment._ Sawamura thought. When it came to fights, especially in one-sided attacks, Sawamura made sure to talk to the parents of the child who initiated the attack in order to find out if there were any problems at home or such.

So he used the school phone to call her father's number and was unsurprised to get his voicemail. He left a message saying, "Sorry to bother you! This is Sawamura Eijun, Chiyo's teacher. Chiyo got into a fight with one of the girls in class today. It's important that I talk to you regarding this incident. You can leave a message about what day would be good for you and I'll get back to as soon as possible. Thanks for taking my message."

* * *

At the end of the day, Sawamura sat on the ground with Chiyo making a building with the blocks. Her father strolled with a serious expression on his face.

"Hi Papa! Let me finish making this building with Sensei before we go." she said, hands carefully positioning a block.

"You can finish playing with the blocks while I talk with Sawamura-sensei, okay?" he said gently.

"Okay!" she replied, barely pausing to glance at him.

They both walked to Sawamura's desk, Sawamura sitting on one side and Miyuki sitting on the other.

"I got your message. You said Chiyo got in a fight?" Sawamura could see the concern etched in his face.

"Yes, nothing too serious." he reassured him. "If you're too busy, we don't have to do this now."

"No, I'm free now. What happened?"

Sawamura scratched the back of his head, unsure how to go about this. He decided to just tell him the whole story. "Well, the kids were drawing pictures of their families today and Chiyo drew hers of you and her mom, as an angel. One of the girls didn't understand and got into an argument with Chiyo, which led to her pushing the girl to the ground."

Miyuki had an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm so sorry. Chiyo usually isn't like this. She must have been feeling really upset."

"It really surprised me when Chiyo did that. That's why I wanted to talk to you, to see if everything was alright at home. I know losing a parent isn't easy for a child."

Miyuki laughed bitterly. "It isn't easy for anyone, least of all Chiyo. She's been smiling and laughing so much more now that I thought maybe, maybe she's feeling better. But now I think she's just putting on a brave face for me."

"If you don't mind my asking, how long has it been since Chiyo's mom passed?" he asked cautiously.

"It's fine." he said, trying and failing to smile. "It's been almost three years now."

"Three years?" he accidently let slip out in disbelief. He didn't think it happened that recently.

"I know, not that long ago right? Every day is still a struggle, but I know it's going to get worse before it gets better. Chiyo's old enough to feel emotions like grief and loss, and I can tell the burden it's put on her. But what am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to help her move forward when I'm still grieving myself?"

They both stared at each other for a second, uncertain of where to go from here.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to unload all of that on you, I don't even know where that came from. Anyway-" He cut himself off.

Sawamura didn't understand why he stopped, until he looked down. That's when he realized that hand unconsciously moved to hold Miyuki's.

Once he realized he let go immediately, blushing. "S-Sorry! I didn't mean to do that it just looked like…" _It just looked like you needed some comfort._ He finished the sentence for himself.

Miyuki surprised him by taking his hand again. "It's okay, I don't mind." This time, he found and kept a smile. "I must have been looking pretty pitiful if you're holding my hand, huh?

That makes Sawamura all flustered. "N-No, that's not it!"

"Chiyo's all I have now," he continues as if he hadn't talked. "That's why I'm trying to be there for her more. Working less hours, picking her up from school, eating dinner together, things like that. If you have any ideas about what else I should do, I'm all ears."

Sawamura thought about that. "It's obvious that you love your daughter, Miyuki-san. There's really no advice I can give you, nothing you aren't already trying to do. A wound like that takes time to heal, so I'll try to be more sensitive to topics like that."

"Please, Chiyo doesn't want any special treatment. I want her to be treated like all the other kids. I'll make sure to talk to her about what happened as well."

He shook his head. "No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant, I'm gonna try and teach the other kids about all the different types of family, so that there aren't any more misunderstandings."

Miyuki nodded his head and smiled. "Okay."

Sawamura couldn't help but return the smile. "Okay." They stared at each other, smiling.

"Papa, I'm hungry. Can we go now?" Chiyo jumped in, destroying the mood.

That's when Sawamura realized that he's _still_ holding Miyuki's hand. He yanked it back just as Miyuki stood up.

"This was a good conversation. Thanks for looking out for Chiyo, Sawamura-sensei. I really appreciate it."

He finds himself looking away from those soft eyes. "No problem."

As they're about to exit through Sawamura impulsively said, "If you're having trouble leaving work to get Chiyo on time, don't worry about it. I can watch her for a few extra minutes. It's not like I'm busy doing anything after school or something."

Miyuki paused at the doorway. Then he smirked at him. "What did I say about special treatment? You'd better be careful, Sensei. A lesser man would take advantage."

As they walked out he heard Chiyo ask, "Papa, what's 'take advantage' mean?"

That was the second time Miyuki's left Sawamura blushing and confused. Out of all of the parents he's ever met, he's never met one as much of an enigma as Miyuki Kazuya.

Sawamura really had no idea what he was getting himself into.

 **Winter**

In the winter, he and Miyuki became friends.

Sawamura and Chiyo, and by extension Miyuki, had fallen into somewhat of a pattern. After all the other kids left Sawamura would play with Chiyo until her father came to pick her up. Sometimes he would come late, sometimes he would come on time, but no matter what he would always stop to talk to Sawamura. It was nothing big, but he began to learn a little about Miyuki with each little conversation.

At first it was unimportant facts like that Miyuki wasn't fond of sweets or that winter was his favorite season. Then he learned bigger facts, like that his birthday was in November (he really chewed Miyuki out for not telling him, he would've at least wished him a happy birthday) and that he worked as an accountant for several baseball teams.

"No way! You work for a baseball team?!" Sawamura said when Miyuki told him.

"Yeah, several." he replied, surprised at Sawamura's sudden enthusiasm. "Wait, do you like baseball?"

"Do I like baseball?" Sawamura almost bursted out laughing. "I _love_ baseball! I eat, drink, and breathe baseball! I never planned on becoming a teacher. My real dream for the longest time was to become a professional baseball player."

"What happened?"

Sawamura looked away forlornly. "It's a long story."

Miyuki laughed. "Well, I guess we have something in common. I love baseball too. If I'm not going to be an actual player, I might as well do a job that gets me as close to the sport as possible. Hell, sometimes I even get free tickets."

"You're joking!" Sawamura seriously started to consider a career change.

"No, seriously. Sometimes it's for a job a well done, but they usually give me some if I ask." Miyuki's eyes lit up like there was lightbulb over his head. "You should come to a game with me and Chiyo sometime."

"Really? Don't feel like you have to offer or anything." Even though every part of him wanted to say yes, he didn't want Miyuki to feel like he had to invite him.

"Believe me, I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to. Us baseball lovers have to stick together, right?"

Who was Sawamura to turn down free baseball tickets? "Okay, sure!"

Miyuki patted him on the shoulder. "Alright, it's a date!"

Because Sawamura knew how Miyuki liked to play fast and loose with his words, he didn't let that statement get to him. Even if his heart skipped a beat.

Regardless, he had a future outing which Miyuki to look forward to.

Slowly, Sawamura started to learn about the subtle things about Miyuki, the things that Miyuki would never tell him directly. Like that his personality was kinda bad. He was rude and arrogant and had twisted sense of humor, but somehow Sawamura could tell he was a good person. He learned that Miyuki could be a caring person, he just chose not to. Sawamura never saw Miyuki be anything but kind and gentle when it came to Chiyo, so he guessed it made up for all his snarky remarks. Most of all, he could tell that Miyuki was carrying a heavy burden. Miyuki did his best to try and hide, but Sawamura saw through it anyway. He didn't say anything, though, since it was none of his business. They were only a little more than strangers, after all.

Even as he believed that, it became less true as days went on. Their talks became longer and longer to the point where Chiyo had to tug on Miyuki's leg and whine to get him to leave.

By the time winter break rolled around, Sawamura and Miyuki were pretty familiar with each other. He had no problem calling Miyuki out when he was being an asshole, and Miyuki had no problem being more of an asshole.

On the last day of school, Chiyo gave him a big hug. "I'll miss you, Sensei!"

"Chiyo, you'll see him in a few weeks. That's not so long from now." Miyuki said from behind her.

"I'll miss you too, Chiyo." he responded, ignoring Miyuki. "Promise me you'll have some fun during the break, okay?"

Chiyo nodded. "I promise."

Sawamura stood up, only to see Miyuki looking at him. He looked back at him and for once, just this one time, he allowed himself to marvel at Miyuki's beauty. He didn't look any different than how he usually looked, except for the fuzzy hat and the blue and yellow striped scarf he wearing over his black coat. Looking at him still made Sawamura's breath catch, and he was starting to think that maybe Chiyo wasn't the only person he would miss over the long break. He wondered if he would get used to Miyuki and stop feeling like this, and then he cursed himself for still being so controlled by his hormones. _Miyuki's right. It's like I'm still a kid._ he thought. If only something could teach him how to be an adult.

"Have a nice Christmas, Sensei." Miyuki said softly.

"You too, Miyuki-san."

With one last wave goodbye Miyuki and Chiyo walked out the door. Sawamura gazed at the empty doorway and sighed.

Maybe his New Year's resolution would be to grow the hell up.

* * *

 _I can't keep eating cereal for dinner._ Sawamura thought as he walked down the cereal aisle. _But cereal is the only thing I can make without burning it._ He reached his hand out to grab a box when he felt his phone vibrate. He took his phone out and saw that it was a text from Haruichi, asking him to come hang out at the bar. Sawamura stared at the text for a few seconds, then put his phone back in his pocket. Haruichi was always trying to get him to go out and be sociable, and sometimes he'd be up for it. Other times, he'd wanted to nothing other than stay in bed all day. He wanted to use this winter break to relax, not party.

"Why I can't be lazy for just one day?" he muttered under his breath. He reached out again and grabbed the cereal box. This time, he could hear the sound of a child's grunts from down the aisle.

He turned and saw a little girl jumping to grab the cereal box from the top shelf. Smiling at the display, he walked over.

He grabbed the cereal box for her. "I'm guessing this is what you want?"

The girl turned around and he gasped. "Chiyo?" he said incredulously.

"Sensei!" she said with an equal amount of shock. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm shopping for groceries." he answered simply. He handed her the cereal box, which she took with a sheepish smile.

"Thank you, Sensei! The boxes were so high that I couldn't reach them, even with my highest jump."

"Yeah, they definitely put the boxes up way too high." Sawamura agreed.

"I can't believe I saw Sensei at the store. My friends will never believe this! And you're shopping for groceries, just like us!"

"Us?" Sawamura asked, until he started to fully compute what was going on. Because if Chiyo was here, that means…

"Chiyo! Where are you?" a familiar voice shouted from the next aisle.

...Miyuki couldn't be too far behind.

"Over here, Papa!" Chiyo called back.

Sawamura took the time to look over his appearance. He was wearing an old sweatshirt with a couple stains on it, a pair of ratty jeans, and a boring hoodie he found in the bottom of closet. His hair was a mess, since he dozed off on the couch, and he was pretty sure he had bags under his arms from staying up so late.

His only option was to drop the cereal and run out the store without a trace that he had ever been there. As soon as he tried to turn his back, however, Miyuki rounded the corner saying, "Chiyo, I've told you not to run off like that you could've-Sawamura-sensei?"

Sawamura turned around and chuckled awkwardly. "Miyuki-san. What a surprise, seeing you here." he said flatly.

"What a surprise, indeed." Miyuki affirmed. "And here I thought teachers didn't go anywhere outside of school."

"Haha, very funny." Sawamura had heard so many of Miyuki's teacher jokes he was becoming immune to them.

Chiyo tugged on Miyuki's coat. "You're wrong, Papa. Teachers live in schools, just like we live in our house. They can go anywhere they want!"

Miyuki ruffled her hair. "Wow, Chiyo. You're so smart, you're even teaching me new things!"

"Don't teach her things like that!" Sawamura shouted, causing the other people in the aisle to look at them funny.

Miyuki clapped a hand over Sawamura's mouth. "Shh, Sensei. You're disturbing the other customers."

"Whose fault do you think that is?!" he said in an exaggerated whisper.

Miyuki lowered his hand from Sawamura's mouth and looked him up and down, which made Sawamura's face warm up. They were both silent for a second, until Miyuki finally said-

"I didn't know you were one of those people who don't care what they look like in public. You have my respect."

Sawamura flared up in anger. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Chiyo gasped. "Sensei said a bad word!"

Of course, Miyuki didn't back down. "You look like you just got out of bed. Don't tell me actually you just got out of bed?"

"No, I didn't just get out of bed! I don't feel the need to dress up to go grocery shopping, that's all!"

"There's not dressing up, and then there's you."

Sawamura huffed indignantly. "This is what normal people wear to go to ordinary places like the grocery store. Excuse me for not wanting to look perfect all the time, like you!"

Miyuki grinned. "You think I look perfect?"

Sawamura's entire face turned red as a tomato. "I-you-I didn't mean-I'm going to pay for my cereal!"

Head held high and cereal tucked under armpit, Sawamura marched to the cash register.

He didn't hear Chiyo's "Papa, you made Sensei mad!" or Miyuki's gentle laughter. He paid for his cereal, walked confidently out the store, and walked a few steps from the store before falling to the ground in a crouch, putting his face in his hands repeating, "So embarrassing, so embarrassing."

He prayed that in the morning, he'd wake up from this horrible dream.

* * *

"You made me leave my bed for this?" Sawamura grumbled as he slid next to Haruichi in the booth.

"Come on, Eijun-kun, we haven't seen you since school ended! Don't tell me you were planning on spending the whole break in bed?" Haruichi complained.

"Fine, I won't tell you." he mumbled.

After a whole week of nagging Sawamura finally agreed to hang out with "the gang" at the bar, if only to make Haruichi happy. The gang consisted of Haruichi, Furuya, probably Kuramochi (a teacher at the neighboring high school), and whoever else wanted to show up. Sometimes Haruno and her pack of female teachers would show up, other times teachers from Kuramochi's school would pile in. Either way, he's had a lot of good times at this bar, so he didn't mind hanging out.

"What's taking Kuramochi so long?" Usually Kuramochi was one of the first people there.

Haruichi already had his phone out. "He just texted me, actually. He says he's on his way and he's bringing a friend."

"Is he hot?" Sawamura asked without hesitation.

Haruichi chuckled and Furuya shook his head in disapproval. "I told him you'd say that. He said: 'He's okay but tell Bakamura he's off-limits!'"

"Why? Don't tell me he wants this hot friend for himself? Is Onii-san not enough for him?" Sawamura said, scandalized.

He couldn't tell what look Haruichi was giving him, but he could tell it wasn't good. "I don't think that's it."

Before the conversation could continue, Kuramochi ran up to the table. "I'm here, no need to call the police."

"Where's your hot friend?" Sawamura asked expectantly.

Instantly he was put in a chokehold. "I'm serious, Bakamura! My friend's in no place to even think about being in a relationship, so hands off!"

Sawamura wriggled around violently, trying to escape Kuramochi's grasp. "Okay, okay! I'll leave your hot friend alone!"

Kuramochi let him go. "You'd better. Anyway, he's finding a parking space for his fancy car." He slid into the booth next to Furuya. "What have you guys been up to?"

They started talking and joking around when Kuramochi looked back and waved. "Over here!" he called out.

Sawamura looked over as well. And as soon as he followed Kuramochi's gaze he spit his beer out clear across the table.

Kuramochi, who caught most of the spray, shouted, "What the fuck, Sawamura?!"

Sawamura couldn't even hear. Once he stopped coughing all he could say was, "Miyuki-san?"

Miyuki looked equally surprised. "Sensei?"

Sawamura blinked. He couldn't believe that Miyuki was here, in the flesh. "What the hell are you doing here?" The grocery store incident from last week is still fresh in his mind. What were the chances that he'd run into Miyuki by coincidence _again_?

"I could ask you the same thing. Don't you know children aren't allowed to drink alcohol?"

He was about to furiously respond, when Haruichi spoke up. "Um, Eijun-kun, do you two know each other?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Kuramochi said, gaze darting between the two of them.

Sawamura turned to Haruichi and said, "His daughter is in my class. You remember, the transfer student?" just as Miyuki turned to Kuramochi and said, "He's Chiyo's teacher."

"Oh, you mean the dad you-" Sawamura quickly slapped a hand over Haruichi's mouth.

"Yeah, that one!" he said with an awkward laugh. Miyuki and Kuramochi both give him questioning looks.

Kuramochi chose to ignore it and stood up. "You can take my seat, Kazuya. I'll grab a chair."

Miyuki took his place. "How nice of you. It almost gives me the creeps."

Miyuki rested his head against his palm and looked at Haruichi. "So, Youichi's friend, what was the rest of that sentence?"

Sawamura slammed his hands down on the table. "Why don't we go around introducing ourselves?"

Everyone introduced themselves, and they started making small talk. He found that Miyuki and Kuramochi met in high school and have been friends ever since.

"I'd hardly call us friends." Kuramochi said.

"What are you talking about?" Miyuki threw an arm around Kuramochi. "Of course we're friends. You were the best man at my wedding, weren't you?"

Kuramochi laughed sarcastically. "Yeah, like anyone else was gonna do it."

Miyuki also laughed. "You're not lying. It was either you or my assistant, and I can't even remember his name now."

"I can't believe you're married with kids, Miyuki-san. You still look pretty young to me." It's not something Haruichi would've said on a normal night, but beer always made him a little less polite.

Sawamura could see Miyuki eating up the praise. "Oh, you think so? Well, I got married right out of college and we had Chiyo not long after. So compared to the other dads I know, I'm pretty young."

"Have you two been married for long?" Haruichi said pleasantly.

It was an innocent enough question, yet Sawamura could feel the mood grow cold as Miyuki's face turned blank. He'd seen this look before. Kuramochi looked at Miyuki nervously, ready to jump in. Miyuki spoke up before he could.

"We, um, we were-"

"Hey, Harucchi!" Sawamura said loudly. "Tell Miyuki how you and Furuya met." He looked at Miyuki. "It's a really funny story."

Miyuki gave him a grateful look, which he chose to ignore. Haruichi looked confused at the sudden subject change, but launched into the story anyway. Sawamura sighed in relief as the mood turned pleasant again.

As the night went on, everyone went around telling funny stories. As Kuramochi began to tell a particularly hilarious story involving a lampshade, whipped cream, and a dog, Sawamura found himself tuning him out to look at Miyuki instead. It's weird seeing Miyuki in a casual setting like this. Instead of being dressed in a suit like usual, he's dressed in a soft maroon sweater with jeans. Instead of looking all business-like he looked calm and relaxed. He laughed easily along with the rest of the group, his face lighting up as he did so. _Perfect as usual,_ Sawamura thought, disgruntled. _It almost pisses me off._

Before he had the chance to look away, Miyuki slanted his eyes in his direction. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." Miyuki said, low enough for only Sawamura to hear.

Sawamura sputtered, then replied back in the same low tone, "What-get over yourself! For your information, I wasn't looking at you. I was, um, admiring your sweater!" He heard how stupid the words sounded as they came out of his mouth.

"My sweater?" Miyuki repeated, amused.

"Yeah, your sweater! It looks warm and comfy. Looking at it makes me feels all fuzzy." he mumbled. He knew he wasn't making sense, but it was better than saying what he was actually thinking.

Miyuki stares at him, then quietly chuckles. "I'm starting to wonder if you've ever actually seen a sweater."

"I'm starting to wonder if you've ever actually said something nice to anyone, ever!" Sawamura fired back.

Miyuki paused, then smiled. "You look nice today. Well, compared to the last time I saw you."

"E-Even your compliments have insults in them!"

"What are you two ladies talking about over there?" Kuramochi interrupted.

Sawamura and Miyuki turned to see three sets of eyes on them. He completely forgot there were other people with them. It was like they were in their own little world.

Kuramochi squinted at him suspiciously. _Crap!_ Sawamura cursed at himself. _Now he thinks I'm flirting with him!_ Which he totally wasn't. In fact, he was pretty sure he was doing the exact opposite.

"W-We were just having a spirited discussion about sweaters!" Sawamura said with an awkward laugh. "Right, Miyuki-san?"

Everyone at the table, including Miyuki, gave him a blank look.

"The sad thing is he's technically not lying." Miyuki finally said.

Kuramochi gave Sawamura a hard look, then sighed. "Right. Let's talk about something more interesting then."

The focus thankfully moved off him and Miyuki and back into something else.

While Kuramochi was talking he swore he heard Miyuki murmur, "Sometimes I wonder if you're actually an idiot."

He could feel an angry response working its way out, but decided to keep his mouth shut. He didn't need Kuramochi giving him more suspicious looks.

* * *

After three or four beers Sawamura started to feel a little woozy. His laughs started to get a little louder and his sentences starting slurring together, only a little bit. He could feel Haruichi's worried glances, but ignored them in favor of another beer.

"Maybe you should slow down, Eijun-kun." Haruichi tried to whisper discreetly. "You know you're not good with alcohol."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Harucchi!" Sawamura said loudly.

"Sensei, is it me or are you not good at holding your liquor?" Miyuki hadn't drunk much since he was driving, so he was taking in everyone's drunk-off-their-ass personas.

"Shut up!" he yelled. "I can hold my liquor just fine!"

"Really?"

Everyone turned to Furuya. It might've been the most he'd said all night.

Unfazed, Sawamura shouted confidently, "Yeah, really!"

There was dangerous glint in Furuya's eyes. "Let's do some shots then," he said as he waved over a waitress. "Whoever drinks the most wins."

The lingering, very tiny sober part of Sawamura's brain whispered that maybe getting into a drinking contest was a bad idea. Then he glanced at Miyuki, who was staring at him expectantly. He shoved down the tiny voice inside him and glared at Furuya fiercely.

"Let's do it."

The next time he opened his eyes, he was lying on his back, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling.

He sat up, wincing at a sharp pain coming from his took a quick look at his surroundings. He was sitting on the couch of a nicely decorated family room, with a few pictures hung up and a TV built into the wall. Instantly he knew this wasn't his apartment, considering it looked way too neat and orderly. _So where the hell am I?_ He remembered the night in bits and pieces, and the raging hangover wasn't helping either. _Whatever_ , he thought as he went to lie back down. _I can figure it out after a little nap…_

By the time he heard the quick footsteps it was already too late. He let out a loud grunt as some unknown weight jumped on him. He cracked his eyes open someone peering over his face, breathing heavily.

Then the person screamed, "Sensei! Why didn't you tell me you were coming to sleep over?"

Rubbing his eyes, Sawamura sat up and saw that the loud voice belonged to Chiyo. "Chiyo? What are you doing here?"

Chiyo tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean, Sensei? What are _you_ doing here?"

"That's a great question, Chiyo."

Sawamura looked up and there was Miyuki, leaning against the wall. "Well, Sensei? Why are you here?"

"Um." Sawamura started. The last thing he remembered from last night was preparing to kick Furuya's ass in a drinking game. Everything else was a blur.

Miyuki shook his head. "You really don't remember, do you?" His focus shifts to Chiyo. "Chiyo, get down from poor Sensei. I don't think he's feeling too well right now."

"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry, Sensei!" Chiyo apologized. She jumped down and ran to her father, who told her to go brush her teeth.

Once Chiyo left, an awkward silence followed.

"Well, I may as well start on breakfast. I'll bring some aspirin for your probably brutal hangover. Any complaints?"

Sawamura put his head down. "No complaints."

While Miyuki headed to the kitchen, Sawamura gave some serious thought to the previous night. He remembered stupidly agreeing to a stupid contest in some drunken attempt to prove Miyuki wrong. And maybe, just a little bit, to impress Miyuki as well. Boy, did that go wrong in so many ways.

What he still couldn't wrap his head around is what had to happen for him to end up crashing on Miyuki's couch. "Um, so what _am_ I doing here?" he built up the courage to ask.

"You seriously don't remember anything?" Miyuki replies from the kitchen.

"I remember fighting with Furuya. After that, nothing else."

Miyuki set down a cup of water and two pills on the coffee table in front of him and settled down on the couch next to him. "Considering how much you drank, I guess it's not that surprising. As for what happened, it's a pretty funny story."

Miyuki launched into the story of the ill-fated drinking contest. Apparently, Sawamura and Furuya kept drinking shots (which garnered quite the crowd, Miyuki added) until Furuya passed out. Sawamura shouted in victory, then promptly threw up all over the bar floor.

"The bartender was giving us the evil eye, so we thought it'd be best to get out of there. Furuya-san was too heavy for Kominato-san to carry by himself, so Youichi and him carried Furuya-san while I carried you. I told Youichi I would take you home and save him the trouble, but as soon as I dumped you in the backseat I realized I had no idea where you lived. So I took you back to my house for the night."

Sawamura was mortified. "Please tell me that didn't actually happen."

"I wish I could." Miyuki said with a sip from his mug. "Seriously, I do. You threw up again in my car before we could make it home."

Scratch that, _now_ Sawamura was mortified. So much for impressing Miyuki. "I'm so sorry! I can't believe I did that. I'll, um, pay for the mess I made in your car."

Miyuki looked at him silently. The silence made Sawamura more nervous by the minute. Then Miyuki broke the silence with a hard laugh. "What's with that serious face? It doesn't look right on you."

"I'm trying to apologize!"

"Don't, it's not a big deal. At least you didn't puke on me." Miyuki tried to reassure him.

Sawamura didn't feel any better. "Yeah, at least I didn't puke on you." he repeated flatly.

Miyuki pats him on the shoulder. "That's the spirit. Now, are pancakes okay? I've got some waffles if you're really craving them-"

"Miyuki-san," Sawamura cut him off. "I already puked in your car and crashed on your couch. I'm not taking more advantage of your hospitality by eating your pancakes."

"...so waffles then?"

"Miyuki-san, I'm serious!" He stood up. "Thanks for helping me out even though you didn't have to. I guess you really are a good person."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence."

He walked over the coat rack and put on his coat. "I should get home anyway. I still haven't sent Christmas gifts to my parents yet."

"Sawamura-sensei-"

Sawamura opened the front door. "Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say. 'It's past Christmas, can't you tell time?' You couldn't resist saying goodbye without one more insult, could you? I'll see you later, Miyuki-san. Tell Chiyo I said bye."

He walked out and closed the door behind him. He took a few steps down the walkway, looked around, and promptly turned back. He knocked on the door.

Miyuki answered in a singsongy voice, "Who is it?"

"I need a ride home." he said dejectedly. Every time he thought he couldn't embarrass himself in front of Miyuki more, he proved himself wrong.

Miyuki opened the door. "I'll give you a ride on one condition."

"What?"

Miyuki smirked, an action Sawamura was beginning to attribute completely to him. "Guess."

Needless to say, Sawamura enjoyed a blueberry pancake breakfast with a smug Miyuki and an overjoyed Chiyo.

* * *

Sawamura felt his skin prickle from the stares of the other patrons in the bar. Even the bartender was giving him weird glances. He didn't blame them, looking down at the harshly, almost fluorescent, yellow sweater he was wearing. He was sure that if he saw himself in the mirror, he might cry.

Why was he wearing that ugly sweater? Well, that required a bit of backstory.

Winter break had gone as quickly as it came, and before Sawamura knew it school was back in session. As much as he loved getting to sleep in, he didn't mind going back to work. It was nice to get back into his usual routine, though his routine had gone through some changes. Specifically, his after school routine.

As usual, Miyuki was a little late picking up Chiyo and walked in on Sawamura and her playing a game. This time, he was carrying a big box, prompting Sawamura to ask, "What's with the box?"

"Open it and find out." he said as he handed Sawamura the box.

Maybe Sawamura should've asked more questions, but his curiosity got the better of him. He opened the box and pulled out a yellow sweater. A really, really yellow sweater.

"Um, what's this for?" Sawamura was at a loss for what to say.

"It's a sweater." Miyuki said slowly. "It's a type of clothing you can wear for warmth in cold weather."

"I know a sweater is!" Sawamura snapped. "Who's the sweater for? And why is it so...yellow?"

"Who do you think it's for? You were so amazed by my sweater that when I saw this, I couldn't help but buy it. Think of it as a late Christmas gift."

Sawamura was sorta touched. "You got me a Christmas gift?"

"Do you like it? The color made me think of you." Miyuki said in a faux innocent tone.

"Of course I like it." The yellow was so bright it was hurting his eyes. "It looks really...comfy. Thanks, Miyuki-san." he managed to say that with a forced smile.

"What's wrong, Sensei? You're making a funny face." Chiyo pointed out.

"That's just the way I express my happiness." What he was really thinking was, _Please don't make me take this sweater._

When the weekend came around, Sawamura felt like going out so he decided to go to the bar. What he didn't count on is having nothing to wear. He knew that neglecting his laundry duties would catch up to him, but not like this! It came to the point where the only clean thing he had to wear was the sweater, brightly peeking out from where he shoved it in his drawer. He considered not going out at all, but the thought of staying cooped up in his dingy apartment made him reconsider. He told himself that the sweater wasn't that bad, that maybe someone would appreciate. Miyuki wouldn't buy him a bad sweater on purpose, right?

"It really is you." a voice said behind him.

He's not even surprised to see it's Miyuki. "Miyuki-san."

"I could see that shirt from the outside. I have to say, I didn't think you'd actually wear it." Miyuki sat down at the barstool next to him and looked at the bartender. "Two beers-one for me, one for the lemon."

Sawamura pointed a finger in his face. "So you _did_ buy this sweater for me, knowing that it was ugly!"

"Ugly's a harsh word. Nothing's wrong with it, except for the color. If you're asking if I knew about the color, then the answer is obviously. I'm not blind. Looking at it doesn't help, but I'm definitely not blind."

Sawamura put his head down. "You're an awful person."

"Haha, thanks!"

"It's not a compliment!"

Sawamura sighed, then picked his head back up. "Whatever. I'm used to your bad personality by now, so I guess I should've expected this."

The look on Miyuki's face was...confused? "Huh, you seem pretty calm. I thought you'd really be mad at me this time."

Sawamura shrugged. "It could be worse. Besides, this sweater is pretty comfy. The only problem is the color, and I can change that." His eyes brightened. "Maybe I can make it a project for the kids! I'll bring in dye and the kids could all bring in an old t-shirt and-"

He was surprised when Miyuki burst out laughing. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing," Miyuki said between laughs. "I wasn't joking when I said the sweater reminded me of you. You're always looking on the bright side, all the time. It almost hurts."

"Thanks?" Sawamura still didn't get why he was laughing, but then he didn't get a lot of things about Miyuki. "Speaking of kids, what are you doing here? Don't tell me you're leaving Chiyo at home alone."

"She's with the babysitter. Work's been killing me lately, so I thought I'd stop by and have a drink."

As soon as he said that, Sawamura noticed that Miyuki was still in his business suit. "Wow, you work weekends too?"

"I do now. You'd think I'd have less work since the season's over, but it's still just as busy. That's why haven't been picking up Chiyo lately."

Now that he thought about, Miyuki really hadn't been around lately, not since Sawamura got the sweater. "Being an accountant doesn't sound like any fun. Even if you do work for baseball teams."

Miyuki put his elbows up on the counter. "You're telling me. I'd much rather be tie-dying shirts than sitting in my office."

"I can't imagine you being a teacher. You'd probably make your students cry."

"Hey!" Miyuki said, offended. "I'm not mean to kids. I'd be the kind of teacher that doesn't let my students walk all over me, unlike some people."

Sawamura ignored that last part. "Yeah, you do seem to know how to be nice. At least, Chiyo doesn't hate you. So why are you so mean to adults?"

Miyuki takes a long sip of his beer. "With me, what you see is what you get. Most people see an asshole because that's exactly what am I. Even my wife thought so." He smiled at that. "When Tsubaki told me she was pregnant, a part of me was scared. I didn't know what it meant to be a "good" father, my own father was distant at best. And like I said, I'm not a nice person by nature. But more than anything, I didn't want my child to hate me. So I taught myself how to be a nicer person. Especially now, I want to be a good father to Chiyo. With a promise like that to myself, it's easier to more gentle."

When Sawamura didn't respond immediately, Miyuki seemed to realized how much he had said and launched into an apology. "Sorry, I didn't mean to dump all that on you. You probably don't know what to say."

"It's not that I don't know to say, I'm just thinking about whether you actually answered my question or not." Sawamura replied honestly.

Miyuki rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "Because of Chiyo, it's easy to remind myself to be nicer to kids. That only extends to children, though. I don't have the energy to be nice to kids _and_ adults."

This time Sawamura surprised Miyuki by bursting out laughing. "You really are an awful person!"

"Yeah, that's what said." Miyuki said, bewildered.

"But seriously," Miyuki continued, once Sawamura calmed down. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything. I usually don't unload like that. I guess alcohol makes me talk more."

"You didn't make me uncomfortable!" Sawamura said, raising his voice suddenly. "I mean, friends should be able to share stuff with each other, right?"

Miyuki's hand stilled just as he was about to raise the bottle to his mouth. "Friends?" he murmured.

Sawamura's embarrassed to have said that out loud, but didn't let it get the best of him. "Yeah, friends. What about it?"

Miyuki stared at him for a few seconds. Sawamura didn't understand the look in his eyes. He looked confused, questioning, almost as if he couldn't understand what the word friend meant.

Then he smiled and took another sip. "You're weird." he said simply.

"Huh?!"

* * *

From then on, Sawamura began to see Miyuki sporadically at the bar.

It was never planned, but it wasn't necessarily unplanned either. Not for Sawamura, at least. Sometimes he really just wanted to hang out at the bar, but other times he came with the very, very slight expectation that Miyuki might show up. He convinced himself that didn't mean anything, that he had grown out of ogling Miyuki. They were friends now and it's normal to want to spend time with your friends, right? Still, a part of him couldn't help wonder why everything felt so different with Miyuki. It's been a long time since he made a new friend, so maybe that was why.

Anyway, at some point they got close enough for Miyuki's number to end up in his phone number. When and how it got there, he had no idea. He didn't even know it was there until that day, a day he's always loved yet dreaded: Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day was always a complicated day for him, whether he was single or in a relationship. On the one hand, he loved the atmosphere on Valentine's. The stores were always dressed up in their brightest shades of red and pink, candy shops put out their best brands of chocolate, and there was this feeling of happiness and love in the air that he couldn't get enough of. On the other hand, it was almost always a stressful holiday for him. If he was single, the loving atmosphere seduced him into doing something stupid. His friends called him a hopeless (they usually stressed the hopeless part) romantic and he couldn't disagree with them. He couldn't help thinking, surrounded by all those happy couples, that maybe he'd find his special someone too. Unfortunately for him, every relationship he got into on Valentine's Day either ended in a one night stand or a break-up a few months down the road. If he was in a relationship, the day ended up being a lot of stress. Valentine's put a lot of stress on a couple, especially a couple that was on the cusp of being "serious" but not quite there yet, which was most of Sawamura's relationships. It just made the day weirdly tense, to the point where one year a Valentine's dinner went so wrong it actually led straight to a break-up.

This Valentine's Day, Sawamura was single and surprisingly he was okay with that. He did feel a little lonely, since Kuramochi was out with Ryousuke and Haruichi surprised him by calling to say that he wouldn't be able to hang out today because he was going on a date with Furuya.

"It's not a date!" Haruichi replied instantly. "Furuya-kun just-we're-okay, it's a date."

"Don't be embarrassed, Harucchi. I'm glad one of us is getting lucky tonight!"

He could hear Haruichi's mortification over the phone. "Don't say things like that! We're going to dinner, that's all!" Haruichi sighed. "I feel bad for canceling our plans so suddenly. I know we usually hang out-"

"You've had a crush on Furuya for years. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't let you find love on Valentine's?"

"Thanks, Eijun-kun!" Haruichi's happiness leaked through the phone, and that made Sawamura happy too.

Despite what Haruichi thought Sawamura didn't mind going to the bar alone. Interesting people always came in and out, especially today. His point was proven by the riveting conversation he was with a guy at the bar counter who hated Valentine's and had the reasons to back it up. The guy may or may not have been flirting with him, but Sawamura's didn't think about it too hard. He didn't feel the urge to take anyone home or get into any new relationship. He truly was okay with being alone today, and he didn't know why. He didn't feel like he had changed at all in the last year, but he was definitely different.

Just as the guy starting saying something about how he couldn't believe someone as cute as Sawamura was alone on Valentine's, his phone vibrated.

"Excuse me," he said to the guy whose name he hadn't even thought of learning.

He looked at his phone and his eyes widened when he saw who was sending him a text. The text, sent by Miyuki, said: _Are you at the bar?_

Before Sawamura could think about it, he sent a text that said: _How did you get my number?_

The next text flat out ignored his question. _Are you hungry?_

 _I'm serious how did you get my number?_

A few minutes passed before the next text. The guy looked at him funny. Finally, _Magic okay? Seriously are you hungry?_

Sawamura decided to let it go for now. _Yeah, I could eat. Why?_

 _Come outside._

Sawamura couldn't help but wonder what would be outside. He hoped it wasn't another prank, otherwise he'd really kill Miyuki.

"Was that your boyfriend?" the guy said, disappointed.

He paused while putting on his jacket. "No, not my boyfriend."

He continued to zip up and walked out the door without another word.

He breathed out into the cold air, watching as his breaths visibly disappeared in the air. _Miyuki wouldn't trick me into freezing to death, would he?_ As he debated with himself about how far Miyuki would go for a prank, a sleek car pulled up in front of him. The passenger window rolled down.

He was greeted by Miyuki's grinning face. "Did somebody call for a taxi?"

Sawamura leaned against the window. "What are doing here?"

"I thought you might be drinking at the bar alone on Valentine's Day, like a loser-"

"Hey, it's not like I planned to be alone! Haruichi ended up ditching me suddenly that's all-" Sawamura cut in indignantly.

"-and I came to be your knight in shining armor. You said you were hungry, right?"

Sawamura squinted his eyes suspiciously. "Yeah, and?"

"I'm taking you to dinner."

Just like that, Sawamura's heart stopped and started beating rapidly at the same time. His words _No, not my boyfriend_ came back to him all at once and his palms started to feel a little sweaty, even though it was freezing. He'd be lying if he said Miyuki didn't cross his mind at all today. It's not he wanted to see him or anything! He couldn't help wondering if he and Miyuki would happen to meet up or something, that's all! But Miyuki asking him, no, _taking_ him to dinner like this, he didn't know how to feel about that. He was comfortable and completely fine with being Miyuki's friend, but he couldn't say he's never thought about attractive he is, even now. How was he supposed to respond to this?

Of course leave it to Miyuki to, while Sawamura's mind is collapsing upon itself, effortlessly follow up with, "Well, _we're_ taking you to dinner."

Sawamura had no idea what he was talking about until he followed Miyuki's gaze to the backseat and saw Chiyo, dozing off in her seat.

"Ah." It was the best reply he could come up with. _So he's not asking me out on date._ Whether Sawamura was relieved or not, he couldn't tell.

"I'm burning gas here, Sensei. Are you going to stand there staring at me or are you going to get in?"

This had to be his weirdest Valentine's ever but hey, he wasn't complaining. He climbed in the car and they drove off.

"Where are we going?" It only occurred to Sawamura to ask that question now that he's riding in a car he has no control over.

"My house, if that's okay. I'll make you my world-famous curry." He heard Chiyo mumble, "Yay, curry…"

"What were you guys doing? Chiyo looks knocked out." As if to prove his point, Chiyo stirred in the backseat and mumbled random words.

Miyuki glanced back at her. "I guess you could blame that all on me. I told her that since she's the only special girl in my life, I'd take her anywhere she wanted today. Predictably, she chose a candy shop. I think I might've spoiled her too much, though. She might not wake up for a few days."

Sawamura imagined little Chiyo scarfing half the store. "You sure are Father of the Year, huh."

"I figure it'd be nice to spoil her once in awhile."

Sawamura gazed at Miyuki then. _Sometimes I forget that Miyuki really is a dad._ With the way he acted it was easy to forget, but the tender way he treated Chiyo reminded Sawamura that he was very much a father. It was a side of Miyuki he only saw in small moments like this, and again it proved to him that Miyuki wasn't as bad a person as Miyuki seemed to think he was.

Sawamura leaned his head against the window. _If only he showed that side more often._ He closed his eyes and didn't talk for the rest of the journey.

His eyes fluttered open as he felt someone shaking his shoulder. "Huh?"

"Wake up, sleepyhead." Miyuki said. Looking around at his surroundings, he saw that they were at Miyuki's house. He didn't have the best memories of this place, since the last time was there he was drunk off his ass and in and out of consciousness.

Miyuki deposited Chiyo on the couch and went into the kitchen. "I'll get started on dinner. You can watch TV or something."

Sawamura stood up. "I'll feel bad if I sit while you're making me dinner for free. Let me help you out."

"Don't worry about it, Sensei. I'm the one who invited you over in the first place. And I get the feeling you're not that great of a cook."

"Like you're some type of chef!" He was right about Sawamura's cooking skills but Sawamura would be damned before he let Miyuki know that.

"I don't like to brag-"

"You do that like it's your job."

"-but I'm pretty good in the kitchen. Cooking's kind of a hobby for me, it keeps me busy. You'll see soon enough."

"Right. Now what can I do to help?" There was a stare-off between the two of them. Once Miyuki realized Sawamura was serious, he sighed.

"If you insist, there are some vegetables that need cutting. I assume you know how to handle a knife safely." Miyuki's back was facing him, but he could bet his ass that Miyuki was smirking.

"I'm not even going to respond to that." He stepped into the kitchen. "Hand me a knife, will you?"

They worked side by side, Sawamura slicing the carrots and onions and Miyuki cooking the chicken and other stuff in a pot. There was a comfortable silence, and the mood felt weirdly domestic to Sawamura. He dumped in the vegetables and watched as it all came together.

"Hey, Miyuki-san?" he said as Miyuki stirred the pot.

"Yeah? Did you cut yourself or something?"

"No, I didn't cut myself! I just wanted to say…" Sawamura paused. "Thanks, okay? Thanks for inviting me over." he finished, looking away.

Miyuki froze mid-stir, staring at Sawamura in surprise. Then he quietly chuckled. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I like it better when you're loud."

"What was that?" Miyuki was speaking so quietly he couldn't hear him.

"I said, you don't need to thank me." Miyuki smiled and stuck his hand out. "Friends look out friends, right?"

Sawamura looked at the hand, then Miyuki. Then he smiled back and tightly grasped Miyuki's hand. "Right!"

They stood there, staring into each other's eyes and shaking each other's hands. Somehow, Sawamura couldn't help feeling happy.

"Papa, are you making curry?" Chiyo walked in, rubbing her eyes. "Sensei, what are you doing here? And why are you and Papa holding hands?"

That made Sawamura let go in a hurry, turning away with a blush. Miyuki, calm and cool as always, asked, "Chiyo, what are you doing up? I thought you'd be asleep till morning."

"I was really hungry, so I woke up." Chiyo replied, yawning.

"You know, Chiyo, I heard a story once about a girl who ate too much, blew up like a balloon, and floated away. So think very carefully about whether you want to dinner or not."

"You're so mean, Papa!" Chiyo ran up to Sawamura. "Sensei, are you staying with us for dinner?"

Looking down at her smiling face, he couldn't help but smile back. "Yep, I am."

Chiyo cheered while Miyuki said, "He even helped me cooked it. So don't blame me if it tastes bad."

"Very funny." he said dryly. "Chiyo, let's set some plates out on the table."

They sat in the family room and watched TV together. Sawamura didn't say it out loud, but the curry was seriously good. He glanced at Miyuki, who was laughing at the program they were watching, and smiled.

 _Friends, he said._ Sawamura thought. _I like the sound of that._ He shifted into a comfortable position on the couch and laughed along with Miyuki and Chiyo naturally, as if they did this all the time.

Sawamura hoped that in time, they would.

 **Spring**

In the spring, Sawamura and Miyuki became best friends.

Next to autumn, spring was his second favorite season. The snow had finally melted and the cherry blossoms had started to bloom again. Plus with the nice weather back, Sawamura could ride his bike to school again like he prefered to do.

He watched the cherry blossom petals floated in the air as he biked down to school. He waved to parents and kids as they passed him. He rode peacefully down the sidewalk, lost in his thoughts, until he heard a loud honk behind him. He was going to ignore it, but then a car slowed down next to him. He looked over and sighed. He'd know that annoyingly sleek shine anywhere. A part of him wanted to do speed up just to be spiteful, but he felt himself slow down out of reflex.

The window rolled down. "What happened, Sawamura? Did your car break down or something?" Miyuki said, slowly driving at his pace. "If you called me I would've given you a ride."

"My car didn't break down. I just happen to appreciate simpler things unlike _some_ people."

"I'll see how you feel about 'the simpler things' when it rains." The backseat window rolled down and Chiyo's head popped out. "Hi, Sensei!" she waved.

Sawamura waved back. "Hi, Chiyo!"

"Chiyo, sit back down." Miyuki turned his attention back to him. "Sawamura, you should come over tonight. You need have at least one balanced meal a night."

"What makes you think I don't have a balanced meal every day?"

"I've been to your apartment."

Another horn sounded from behind him, reminding Sawamura exactly where they were. "Uh, Miyuki? As much as I'm enjoying this conversation, you do realize there are other cars behind you?"

Said cars were pulling out to cut ahead of Miyuki. "Man, no one's patient anymore. I'll see you at school then. Try not to be late." Miyuki drove ahead at regular speed, which was much faster than a regular car.

Sawamura rolled his eyes. "Show off."

When he rolled up to the bike rack, he saw Miyuki leaning on his car. He might've looked cooler, but it's hard to look with a hyper five year old holding your hand.

"You didn't have to wait for me." he said, locking up his bike. "Why are you here this early anyway? I've never seen Chiyo in before-care before."

"With the season starting up, I've got a lot more early morning meetings. Since Chiyo can't drive herself, I've got to drop her off early."

Sawamura's eyes shone. "Does that mean you get to see some of the players?"

"Sure, if any of the players want to wake up early for no reason and sit in a meeting they have don't have to be at. I'll tell them you said hi."

Sawamura scowled. "It's too early for snarky comments."

"And somehow, I find a way."

"Papa, I'm tired." Chiyo whined. "You said I had to wake up 'cuz you were going to work, but you're still here."

That made Sawamura laughed. "She's got a point, Miyuki."

Miyuki looked away sheepishly. "She's right, I do need to get to work." He crouched down and gave Chiyo a hug. "Have a good day at school."

"Bye, Papa. Have a good day at work!" Chiyo replied.

Miyuki opened his door. "I'll see you later, Sawamura. You're coming over, right?"

Sawamura shrugged. "I could use a balanced meal."

Miyuki nodded and smiled. "See you later."

Chiyo took Sawamura's hand and they walked down together. "I can't wait for dinner! Papa always makes something special when you come over."

"He likes showing off." Sawamura huffed. "Isn't it a little too early to be thinking about dinner?"

"It's never too early to start thinking about dinner." Chiyo said firmly.

"You've got a point there."

After he dropped Chiyo off, he went to the break room to grab a cup of coffee. _Chiyo sure thinks about food a lot._ Sawamura grinned. _I learn new things about them every day._ He and Miyuki had been hanging out a lot lately, and more and more he'd become comfortable thinking of Miyuki as his friend. Despite his rude personality and dark humor, Sawamura enjoyed spending time with him. He felt like he was able to understand Miyuki a little more each time they met, and he had come realize what he'd known all along: Miyuki wasn't a bad person. If only he could understand why Miyuki seemed hell-bent on thinking he was…

Regardless, every day seemed to go by fast now. It had been a long time since he'd made a new friend, so a part of him couldn't help but wonder if it always felt like this.

"What a creepy smile." Furuya murmured loud enough for Sawamura to look up and notice Furuya and Haruichi standing in front of him.

Sawamura tensed up, then relaxed. "Leave me alone, Furuya. It's too early to get pissed off."

Furuya and Haruichi looked at each other. "Eijun-kun, are you dating someone?" Haruichi asked tentatively.

"What? No!" Sawamura replied quickly. "Why are you asking me you asking me that all of a sudden?"

"It's nothing bad! You just seem different lately." Haruichi reassured him. "You're always smiling to yourself and your mind always seemed to be somewhere. You're calmer now too. I can't remember the last time you yelled at Furuya."

"Don't worry, it won't be long now." he said, glaring at Furuya. "What about you two? Have you gotten tired of Furuya yet?"

That made Haruichi's face explode with color and Furuya scowl. They had been dating for two months since Valentine's, and Sawamura made sure to tease them as much as he could while he could still get a reaction out of Furuya.

As Haruichi was about to respond, Furuya cut in. "We're fine. We're more than fine. At least, I am." Furuya blushed a little towards the end.

Haruichi looks at Furuya in awe. "Furuya-kun...I'm more than fine. There's no way I'm getting tired of you."

Watching them in their own little world, Sawamura thought about leaving them to have their own private moment. Instead he said, "You guys are having sex, aren't you?"

That made the both of them blush furiously. "Eijun-kun!"

Sawamura laughed loudly. He knew they were weren't wrong, he had been feeling different lately. _Is it wrong that I've been feeling happier because of Miyuki? I mean, it's not like I have a crush on him or anything! We're friends and there's nothing wrong with being happy about that!_

He firmly told himself that the whole day, even after Miyuki came to pick up Chiyo and informed him that it was pouring outside.

Sawamura waited to hear his cutting remarks. Instead he said, "I think your bike can fit in my trunk. I moved some stuff out so it should be able to fit, but then again I've never put a bike back there."

A heavy silence hung in the air.

"Is that all? You're not gonna say something about much of an idiot I am for not being prepared for the rain?" Sawamura said in disbelief.

Miyuki shrugged. "It's tiring coming up with something witty to say every time. Come up with something yourself and let's go to the car."

Sawamura scratched his head sheepishly. "Sorry about this, Miyuki. You don't have to give me a ride."

"You're right, I don't. But I was planning on picking you up whether it rained or not, so it all works out in the end." Miyuki turned around. "Come on, let's go. We're going to stop at the grocery store first. I still need to pick up stuff for dinner."

It wasn't easy to keep his thoughts and feelings in check, especially when he and Miyuki shared an umbrella like they were a shoujo manga couple (Chiyo, like a true Miyuki, had a rainbow umbrella tucked in her bag for emergencies). Every time their shoulders brushed, he reminded himself that he wasn't thinking right, that the conversation Haruichi was making him feel all funny.

He wondered if sharing an umbrella with someone ever made him feel like this.

* * *

Sawamura stepped into his bedroom, wiping his wet hair with a towel. His eyes felt heavy and he couldn't wait to fall asleep. He made the unfortunate mistake of thinking his students were ready to use messier materials like finger paint in a responsible way. The rest of his day was a living hell because of it. He had to stop kids from splashing paint on each other, clean up kids who got paint on them anyway, and wipe up the buckets of paints that got knocked over. Through his hard work, the only one who wasn't clean by the end of the day was him. He spent forever in the shower trying to scrub the paint out of his hair.

Just before he climbed into bed he checked his phone for messages. He wasn't expecting to see _1 new message from Miyuki Bakazuya._ Not because Miyuki didn't text him often or this late, because surprisingly enough he did both. It started with a random thought on a sleepless night that Sawamura couldn't get out of his head. He meant to text somebody, anybody, but he ended texting Miyuki. Miyuki texted back, and here they were.

He usually didn't text on school nights, which made Sawamura wonder if something was wrong. He unlocked his phone to read the message. All it said was, _I heard you had a rough day today. Chiyo was so upset about it she wanted to make you something to make up for it._

Sawamura was confused for a second until he remember. Chiyo and Natsuki, like usual, got into a fight during the face painting. Chiyo got so upset she knock over the blue paint, spilling it all over the floor. It went downhill from there.

Sawamura typed back, _She already apologized, that's all I need. I know she didn't mean to do it._

 _The way Chiyo told it, you sounded way more furious than you do now. I imagined steam coming out of your ears._

 _Yeah, I got really angry in the moment._ That was an understatement. It was one of the rare times he raised his voice at any of the students and he put both girls in timeout, despite Natsuki's loud cries. Since that was far from the first time something broke out between the two girls, he even talked to Natsuki's mom (he always felt like a big tattletale doing that).

Sawamura followed up with another text, _I would've told you about it myself, but you didn't come to pick up Chiyo today._ He was all ready to rant about Chiyo and the class's behavior, only to be greeted by the nanny's friendly face.

 _Sorry about that. You know how it is._

He did. He worried about Miyuki overworking himself, but he wasn't sure if he was in a position to say anything. Speaking of, _Shouldn't you be asleep? I'm pretty sure you have work in the morning._

 _I do. But it's just one of those nights, you know?_

The weariness that was clawing at him had disappeared, leaving him wide awake. He cursed Miyuki for infecting him with his insomnia. _You should still try to go to sleep. The fate of the Lions depends on you._

 _Nice to know how much you care about my personal well-being. Anyway, if I could force myself to sleep I would. I'd much rather be talking to you._

There goes his last sliver of tiredness. If he wasn't awake before, he was now. He contemplated going to sleep anyways, since he seriously did have work in the morning. But deep down he knew he'd never go to bed after getting a text from Miyuki like that, and that Miyuki knew it too.

He texted back, _It'll be your fault if I fall asleep during class tomorrow._

He could hear the smirk in Miyuki's text. _I'll take full responsibility._

* * *

He didn't know what it was about the nighttime, but it was mostly then that they talked about anything and everything.

They talked about baseball, their days, and anything that popped in their heads. Sawamura told him about his life in Nagano and Miyuki told him about his dreams.

 _It's not like I dreamed about becoming an accountant when I was a kid._ Miyuki texted him.

Sawamura, laying upside down on his bed, texted back, _Really?_

 _Yes, really! I wanted to do exciting things too._

 _Like what?_ That made Sawamura curious. Miyuki seemed like the type to logistically plan out every step of his life, unlike himself who dreamt of being a lot of things that would never happen.

 _I wanted to play professional baseball. I know, I know, it's shocking._

It was. Miyuki? Playing baseball? Sawamura couldn't even imagine it. _Wow. I didn't think you were the athletic type._

 _How rude. I don't look it, but I'm more built than you would expect._

Sawamura imagined it, then blushed at his imagination. _What position would you play?_

 _Catcher. That's all I played since I was in grade school. I was pretty good at it too. I even had a few articles written about me in high school._

Sawamura rolled his eyes. _Yeah, right._

 _I'm serious! I went to a big sports school on a baseball scholarship, and we went to Koshien a few times._

 _If you were so good what happened?_

Miyuki took a couple of minutes to respond. Then, _I got injured near the end of my third year in college. It took me a while to recover and by the time I did my sports career was basically over._

Now he felt bad for asking. _Man, that sucks._ He cursed himself for sounding so lame.

 _Yeah, it did. It destroyed me for a while, but eventually I moved on. I still miss the thrill of playing real games instead of watching them, though._

Sawamura tried to steer the conversation into a happy place. _I understand that. I was a pitcher in high school. Even though my team wasn't that good, I still had fun standing on the mound._

 _You were a pitcher? Huh, somehow that doesn't surprise me._

 _Yep! I was the ace too! I wonder, though, if we would've made a good battery?_

 _Maybe. You probably wouldn't have liked me. I used to be really hard on the pitchers._

 _That's okay. I barely like you now._

 _Haha, good one._

Through these conversations they were becoming closer, Sawamura could tell. Miyuki started to let his wall down and their texts became increasingly personal.

One night Sawamura sent him, _It gets so quiet at night._

 _I know. Believe me I know._

Before Sawamura could respond he followed it up with, _It's why I can't sleep sometimes. I'm still not used to it._

All at once he remembered that Miyuki had lost his wife. He couldn't imagine what it'd be to lose someone that close to him. Hell, even his grandpa was still kicking.

 _I can understand that. I mean, I know it's totally different but I know what you mean._

 _I don't think it's that different. Quiet is quiet._

Sawamura swallowed once, twice. Shakily he typed, _It's not as quiet anymore. Now that we're talking and all._

Miyuki took his sweet time replying. The longer Miyuki took, the more embarrassed Sawamura got. He followed it up with, _What I'm trying to say is, I'm here for you!_

Still no response. And horrifyingly enough he realized his second text did the opposite of helping.

Just as he finally decided to go to bed, his phone vibrated.

 _I'm impressed you can spout embarrassing lines like that._

"That jerk!" he found himself saying outloud. As he started to text back, Miyuki sent another message.

 _But thanks, Sawamura. You're right, the night isn't as quiet anymore. Not with your loud, obnoxious voice in my head._

 _That's it, I'm going to bed! Suffer in silence, asshole._

Miyuki sent one more text before Sawamura actually put his phone away. _Seriously, Sawamura. Thanks. It's weird but out of everyone I know, you're the only person I can talk to like this. Wonder what makes you so special?_

Sawamura stayed up for a while after that, heart beating faster than it ever had before. He could never tell Miyuki this, but for Sawamura Miyuki was the only person who could him feel so...confused all the time. It felt like Miyuki was constantly pulling the rug out from under him and Sawamura had no idea how to react.

Rolling around in bed, Sawamura hoped it didn't mean what he was starting to think it meant.

* * *

Sawamura flopped on Haruichi's couch. "Hurry up, Harucchi! We're going to miss the previews!"

"I'll be out in a second!" Haruichi called from his room.

Sawamura hummed to himself for a few minutes when his phone started vibrating. He was surprised to see that it was Miyuki calling him.

"Hello? Miyuki?"

"Sa-wa-mu-ra," Miyuki said, dragging the syllables of his name out. "I'm bored. Chiyo's at a sleepover and I have the day off. What are you doing?"

"I'm going to the movies with Harucchi."

"I could go for a movie. Let me come."

Sawamura thought it over. "I guess I wouldn't mind you coming. Lemme ask Harucchi." He pulled the phone away. "Hey, Harucchi! Can Miyuki come with us to the movies?"

Haruichi came out of his room. "If Miyuki-san is coming, can I bring Furuya-kun?"

"That's different! You two have become insufferable to be around now that you're a couple. I want us to do one thing together that isn't filled with all that tension."

Haruichi looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't. "I don't mind if he comes. He's gotta meet us there, though."

Sawamura put the phone to his ear. "Miyuki? You still there?"

"I'm still here. So?"

"Haruichi said it's cool. You'll have to meet us there, though. And the movie's about to start, so hurry up."

"I'll be there, don't worry."

After exchanging goodbyes, Sawamura hung up the phone. "Alright, let's go." he said to Haruichi.

Haruichi mumbled something that Sawamura couldn't quite hear. "Huh, Harucchi?"

Haruichi looked away."Oh, it's nothing. I was just saying that I didn't know you and Miyuki-san were so close."

Sawamura laughed sarcastically. "Define close."

When they showed up at the movie theater, Miyuki was already there. He waved at them, leaning against the door.

"How did you get here before us? We left before you!" Sawamura demanded, incredulous.

"I drove fast." Miyuki said simply.

"There you go flaunting that stupid car again-"

"Are we going to fight or are we going to watch a movie? We've already missed the previews you love so much." Miyuki said in that superior tone he hated.

"Uh, he's right. If we don't hurry up we'll miss the beginning." Haruichi spoke up meekly.

He glared at Miyuki. Then he grumbled, "Let's go buy our tickets."

The movie was everything Sawamura hoped it would. It was action/mystery thriller that kept Sawamura on the edge of his edge of his seat. He reached over to grab another scoop of popcorn, thinking about which character was the murderer, when he felt something that was definitely not popcorn.

He turned his head to meet Miyuki's cheeky smile. "Uh, Miyuki? What's your hand doing in my popcorn?"

"I'm hungry?" Miyuki replied with an innocent look.

Sawamura wasn't amused. "What happened to your popcorn?"

Miyuki turned over his empty popcorn bucket. "I finished all of mine. I know that since you're such a good person, you'll share some of your popcorn with your poor old friend."

Sawamura swore he felt a vein pop. "'Poor old friend'? You drive in fancy cars and waste money on the stupidest things, but you can't buy yourself another bucket of popcorn?!" He fought to keep his voice at a whisper.

"The secret to wealth is knowing when to save your money."

"I'm actually going to kill you."

"Guys, shh!" Haruichi whispered, finger pressed to his lip. "We're getting weird looks."

"Sorry, Harucchi." In the time it took to turn to Haruichi to apologize, Miyuki had already taken a couple of scoops.

"I'll get you back for that." Sawamura whispered fiercely.

"I look forward to that."

They stepped out into the movie theater lobby once the movie ended. Sawamura shook his head. "I can't believe it was the best friend all along. I trusted him!"

"What? I guessed that halfway through the film. It's always the person you would never expect." Miyuki said.

Sawamura scoffed. "Yeah, right. Everyone always says that once the killer is revealed."

"I thought it was the best friend too." Haruichi commented, which earned him a high five from Miyuki.

"You too, Harucchi?" Sawamura felt a little betrayed.

"I don't know, he seemed a little _too_ nice. Like he was pretending." Haruichi was a good judge of character, so it didn't surprise him as much as it could've.

As they were about to say their goodbyes Miyuki said, "It's not too dark outside. Let's sneak into another movie."

"We're not teenagers, Miyuki. Besides, most of the other movies have started already." Sawamura said.

"Even better. Let's catch the climax of a random movie. It'll be fun." Miyuki insisted.

At the sight of Miyuki's determined face, Sawamura found it hard to say no. He looked at Haruichi.

Haruichi smiled encouragingly. "Let's do it."

So they walked into a random theater that showed some movie didn't catch the name of. Once Sawamura got comfy in his seat he look at the screen and noticed the copious amounts of blood being shown.

"What's the name of this movie?" he whispered to Miyuki.

" _Ax Murderer III: The Reckoning._ I heard that it really holds up." Miyuki replied calmly.

All at once Sawamura's face paled. "Wait, this is a h-horror movie?"

"Yep! It's one of my favorite movie series too. The ax murderer always comes back bigger and better. I think in this movie he's got two axes."

Sawamura stood up immediately. "I just remember I-I've got a t-thing I need to do. We should go, Haruichi."

Miyuki pulled him back down. "What are you talking about, Sawamura? Relax, the movie's about to get to the good part." Miyuki scans Sawamura up and down. "Don't tell me you're afraid of scary movies."

Sawamura looked down and said nothing.

"Seriously? Wow, I learn new things about you every day." Miyuki tilted his head up. "Look at the screen, Sawamura. It's nothing but fake blood and cheesy special effects. Even the ax looks fake."

The murderer slammed an ax into the wall, just a few inches above the victim's head. Sawamura jumped. "Maybe it's like that for you, but it's different for me! The music, the blood, the screams, it makes my skin crawl!"

"The movie is about to be so just deal with it." Miyuki gives him a toothy smile. "You cry on my shoulder if it gets too scary for you."

The irritation made him forget his fears for a second. "I'm not gonna cry! Whatever, let's just watch the stupid movie."

Sawamura was able to get through the movie okay. Every time someone screamed he jumped and every sudden splatter of blood made him clench his fists. When the ax murderer appeared out of nowhere Sawamura had to grab something just to keep himself from screaming.

That something was Miyuki's wrist.

At first, he didn't notice. In the back of mind he thought about how smooth and soft the armrest was and then he fully noticed what he was holding.

Once he noticed he quickly removed his hand and muttered an embarrassed "Sorry."

"I don't mind." Miyuki said softly. "If you're that scared, I don't mind if you crush my wrist."

Sawamura found himself staring at Miyuki, whose face remained firmly fixed on the screen, longer than he wanted to. Once he realized he was staring, he quickly turned away.

Silently, he loosely wrapped his hand around Miyuki's wrist.

God, it felt like his face was on fire.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Miyuki said after the movie was over and then were walking out to the parking lot.

"It was okay." Sawamura admitted.

"You think so? Then you'll watch some movies with me from my horror movie collect-"

"No way in hell."

Miyuki laughed. "Well, you can't blame me for trying. Well, I guess I'll get going. Thanks for letting me come along, Kominato-san."

Haruichi shook his head. "Oh, it's no problem. I hope we can become better friends, Miyuki-san."

"Sure, why not?" He turned to Sawamura. "See you later, Sawamura."

He said it with such an intense look. "S-See you later."

On the drive back he noticed Haruichi glancing at him. Finally he said, "What is it, Harucchi?"

Haruichi's eyes snapped back to the road immediately. "Nothing!"

Sawamura wasn't gonna drop it. "You keep looking at me. So, spit it out."

Haruichi stayed silent. Then, "It's Miyuki-san, isn't it? He's the one making you happy?"

Naturally Sawamura sputtered for a few seconds. "What the hell are you talking about, Harucchi? The way you say it you makes it sound like I've got a thing for Miyuki or something!"

"Well…"

"What do you mean 'well'? I'm telling you now, it's not like that between me and Miyuki. We're just friends." Sawamura said firmly.

"I'm didn't seem like that to me."

"What part of him pissing me off and me screaming at him made you think that we're anything more than friends?"

Haruichi glanced at him again and looked away. "Eijun-kun, I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Miyuki-san."

"Believe me, it's mostly a look of irritation and anger."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-"

"There's nothing to tell!"

"-I just hope you'll be careful. But maybe I don't need to tell you that since…" Haruichi trailed off.

"Don't stop talking now. What were you going to say?" Sawamura demanded.

Haruichi sighed, then looked at him straight in the eye.

"I don't need to tell you that because the way you look at Miyuki-san...he looks at you in the exact same way."

* * *

The months went by. Before Sawamura knew it it was near the end of May. That meant summer was near and he was going to have to say goodbye to his students. He had to say, this year's group of kids had to be one of his favorites. They were lively and fun and Sawamura was really gonna miss them.

Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't excited for summer. He looked forward to the hot months ahead, even though he had no real plans for the summer. Most likely he'd to go the beach, maybe vacation in another region? Speaking of traveling, he was probably going to have to visit his parents in Nagano at least once...

He was thinking about all this while riding his bike around his neighborhood. Riding his bike helped him clear his mind, so he tried to do it as much as often. He thought about his plans for today, which aside from grocery shopping and stopping by the mall weren't much. _I should get started on that._ Sawamura thought. He checked his watch to see how much time he had left, smiling as he did.

 _This watch is more useful than I thought it'd be._ Sawamura thought. The watch, along was a gift from Miyuki for his birthday. He couldn't believe Miyuki had remembered his birthday, much less bought him a present. It looked like an expensive watch too, so Sawamura tried to decline the gift.

All Miyuki said was, "If you won't accept my gift, I'll just throw it in the trash."

"You wouldn't dare." Sawamura gasped. He couldn't imagine anything worse than a beautiful watch like that in the trash.

"You know I would."

So he ended up accepting the watch. He'd never tell Miyuki this, but just the simple fact of Miyuki remembering his birthday was enough to make him happy (well, dinner didn't hurt either).

Speaking of Miyuki, Sawamura should probably give him a call. Miyuki had a habit of calling of him out of the blue to do something, so he may as well find out what they're doing today so he can work it into his schedule. But just as Sawamura picked up his phone to call him, he froze.

All of sudden he became hyper aware of Miyuki and the way he acted around him. He thought the confusing feelings that were growing inside him would go away if he just ignore them hard enough. Instead, they grew larger and larger until it became impossible to ignore. Yet Sawamura still wasn't ready to confront what those feelings actually meant. So he was stuck in this hellish in-between of feeling excited to be with Miyuki or guilty about feeling so happy. It made hanging out with him sorta difficult.

Sawamura shook his head. _Stop thinking too much, Eijun. Just call him._ He dialed the number and started talking as soon as the someone picked up on the line.

"I've got some shopping to do but after that I'm free for the rest of the afternoon. I'm up for anything except eating at that restaurant with the weird food. My stomach is still recovering from that."

There's was no response from Miyuki. If not for the breathing at the other end of the line, Sawamura might've thought no one was there.

"Miyuki? Are you there?"

"...Sawamura." Miyuki's voice sounded weary, somber, and very unlike Miyuki.

"Yeah?"

"Sawamura...I don't think you should come over today."

Now Sawamura was definitely worried. "What's wrong, Miyuki? You don't sound like yourself." Sawamura thought about it. "Oh, I see. You've got a cold, right? I told you you've been working yourself too hard. Don't worry, I'll pick up some soup for you at the grocery store."

"I'm not sick. It's hard to explain. Or well, I don't feel like explaining it." Now Sawamura was convinced something was wrong with him. He was stopping over every word and didn't sound like his usual confident self.

"You're scaring me, Miyuki. If you're not sick, then what is it?"

He could feel Miyuki's hesitation. "Sawamura...fine, come over at 8:00. I'll see you later."

"Miyuki-" The line cut short.

He stared at his phone. _Miyuki…_ Something was definitely going with Miyuki, something bad. _I can't just sit around worrying about it!_ With a determined look, he started pedaling on his bike again.

He had work to do.

* * *

Sawamura knocked on the door, out of breath.

Miyuki opened the door. "Sawamura, are you okay?"

"That's my line." Sawamura said between breaths. He handed Miyuki some grocery bags. "Take those to the kitchen."

Miyuki dropped the bags on the counter. "Did you walk all the way here with those? No wonder you're out of breath."

Sawamura dropped his bags on the counter too. "I don't hate myself that much. My bicycle has a basket."

"Huh."

He peered at Miyuki out of the corner of his eyes. His eyes looked sunken in, like he hadn't slept in days. Seeing that only made him more determined.

Miyuki looked through the bag. "Vegetables, broth, chicken...You're making me make you soup? I guess it was nice of you to buy the supplies-"

" _You're_ not making anything. I'm going to make you soup."

The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Are you trying to make me laugh?" Miyuki asked bluntly.

"No! Believe it or not, I can make some things!" He hoped he could, anyway. "So just sit back and relax. I'm going to make you I'm going to make you my world famous chicken noodle soup!"

He said it with such a conviction that Miyuki cracked a tiny, almost unnoticeable smile. "I don't think I trust you with my kitchen."

"Too bad." Before Sawamura entered the kitchen, he turned back to him. "I can get you some medicine, if you want."

There was a flash of sadness in Miyuki's eyes before he looked away. "I told you, Sawamura, I'm not sick."

Sawamura shrugged his shoulders and walked into the kitchen. _He hasn't been sneezing or coughing or anything._ Sawamura thought. _Maybe he's not sick. But if he's not sick, then what's up with him?_

"Sensei?"

He turned to see Chiyo, eyes puffy and clad in a simple black dress. "Chiyo? What's wrong?"

"Sensei…" Tears starting rolling down her face. "Sensei!" She ran over and hugged him (well, his leg).

Sawamura knelt down. "Chiyo, are you okay? Did something happen?"

Miyuki leaned against the entryway. "Chiyo, you're scaring poor Sensei."

Tentatively, Chiyo let go of him. "Sorry, Sensei."

Miyuki spoke again before Sawamura could. "Take off your dress and help set up the table. Sawamura is going to make us dinner."

"B-But Sensei can't cook." Chiyo hiccuped. Sawamura slumped in defeat, nailed by father and daughter alike.

"Maybe he'll surprise." Miyuki said, ruffling her hair. "But if he doesn't remember: stop, drop and roll."

"That's it, both of you get out of the kitchen!" Sawamura yelled. "I expect an apology once you taste my amazing soup!"

Both of them gave him similar weak smiles. Chiyo went back to her room and Miyuki walked back to the family room.

"Wait, Miyuki."

Miyuki stopped mid-step. "Yes?" he said, not turning back to look at him.

"I've never seen Chiyo so emotional before. Why was she crying like that?"

Sawamura couldn't see his face, but his entire backside looked rigid. "Later. I'll tell you after dinner."

Before Sawamura could push on the subject, Miyuki was already sitting back down on the couch and turning on the TV. Sawamura sighed. _Later, later._

Once he was confident enough to let the soup bubble, he came over to sit next to Miyuki on the couch. Miyuki made no indication of noticing his appearance. In fact, it didn't even look like he was watching the TV. His eyes stared blankly at the screen, not taking in anything.

"Miyuki." he said in a normal tone.

Miyuki didn't respond.

"Miyuki!" he said, louder. Miyuki jumped and looked at him.

"Huh? Sawamura, where you saying something?"

Sawamura grabbed his arm. "Screw after dinner! Tell me what's wrong with you _now_ , Miyuki. You don't look well and it's scaring me!"

"Sawamura-"

Sawamura wasn't done. "Whatever it is, I'm here for you. I'll listen to whatever you have to say, so don't hold back! Anything is worse than this damn suspense."

Nothing could've prepared Sawamura for Miyuki's head on his shoulder and hands clutching his shirt.

"M-Miyuki!" he exclaimed.

Miyuki's hands were shaking. "I don't understand you, Sawamura. What is it about that makes me not want to say no? Why are you the only one I can't put up a front with?"

"Miyuki?" He was speaking so low Sawamura had to strain to hear him.

"Even right now, I can't even pretend to be strong." That, he heard.

Breathing quickening, Sawamura dared to put his hands over Miyuki's trembling ones. "You don't have to pretend with me, Miyuki. I said it, didn't I? I don't care what face you put on, I'm here for you no matter what."

Miyuki tightened his hands. "I wish I could believe you. People leave easily, Sawamura, I can't expect you to be any different."

Somehow, that only infuriated Sawamura. "How can you say that? If I said I won't leave, I won't leave! You can trustme, Miyuki!"

"Can you promise that?"

He answered without hesitation. "Yes, I can. Whatever happens, I won't leave. I promise you that."

Finally, Miyuki lifted his head. Their eyes met, and could see the unmasked awe filling Miyuki's. He swore for one second, his heart stopped beating.

"Sawamura…" Sawamura held his breath, waiting to see what Miyuki would say. "You're an idiot."

"Excuse me?!" Well, _that_ completely ruined the mood.

"Only you could say all those deep words without thinking about what they mean." Miyuki smiled, _really_ smiled. "It's kinda charming."

"I have thought about what they mean and-what's that smell?" Sawamura cut himself, smelling something strange.

As if on cue, the fire alarm went off.

Sawamura gasped. "The chicken!" He jumped up and ran into the kitchen, Miyuki hot on his tail.

"What happened?" Miyuki asked, watching as Sawamura ran the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off.

"I forgot about the chicken so that's burnt, the noodles clumped are together, some of the soup is stuck to the bottom of the pan and-" Sawamura took a spoon and tasted the soup. He put his head down. "The soup's over seasoned."

For some reason, that made Miyuki burst out laughing.

"Stop laughing!" This was the Miyuki he was used to. "I try and make you a nice dinner and this is the thanks I get? I hope you starve!"

Miyuki was laughing so hard he needed to lean against wall for support. "I don't even know why I'm laughing!" he said, gasping for breath.

"Then stop!" he said, shaking the front of his shirt and shaking his shirt. "Stop laughing!"

That's when Chiyo walked in, looking at the both of them. Seeing her dad laugh made her start to laugh too.

"You too, Chiyo?" Sawamura said, defeated.

"I don't know, Sensei. I just feel like laughing." Chiyo said brightly.

Looking both of the Miyukis, the color returning to their faces and their eyes bright, Sawamura joined in on the laughter.

After they had all laughed themselves out, they just smiled at each other. "You set up the table, Sawamura. I'll make the soup.

Sawamura couldn't argue with that.

* * *

"My wife died today."

Sawamura's hand froze over the doorknob. "What?" he said dumbly.

"Today's the anniversary of my wife's death. Chiyo and I visited her grave today, that's why I didn't want to have you over."

"I'm so sorry!" Sawamura sputtered, turning around. "I didn't even listen to you when you told me not to come." Sawamura deeply bowed in apology. "Sorry for barging in on a personal family moment!"

Miyuki waved his hands in a placating gesture. "Don't apologize. Sawamura, you don't understand. Today it's been three years since Tsubaki died but to me, it feels like yesterday. Every year, I spend the whole day thinking about. Thinking about everything that came before and everything that came after. I try to be strong for Chiyo, but I end up breaking down by the end of the day. No one can get through to me, not even Chiyo. Still, I let you come over."

Something about that jolted Sawamura. "Miyuki…"

"No, let me say this." Miyuki continued, adamant. "On the anniversary of her death, the most I can do is cry or stare off into space. I don't smile, much less laugh. And to see Chiyo laughing too...it's all because of you, Sawamura. You've changed us."

 _Oh no._ Sawamura thought. _Oh no. I've got to get out of here._ "You're exaggerating. All I did was force myself into your house."

"You're wrong. You did so much more than that. I know that Tsubaki would rather see us smiling and happy than crying and depressed, but no matter how hard I try I couldn't see anything outside of my own sadness. This year was different, because of you." Miyuki grabbed him by the shoulders. "You're amazing, Sawamura."

The words shot through him like a bullet. _I've gotta get out here, fast. If I don't leave now-_

Sawamura awkwardly chuckled. "You complimenting me? How weird."

"Shut up for a second and let me get this out. I'm not gonna hide this behind a text message. I'm really grateful for this, what you're doing for me and Chiyo. I want to tell you this straight to your face." Miyuki took a deep breath.

 _No, no, please don't-_

"I'm glad I met you."

The words, the way Miyuki's face looked in that moment, he would never forget it. He was too late. He'd been too late for a while.

Silence hung between them. Miyuki blushed, only a little, and said, "Now I'm the one saying embarrassing things."

"No, it's okay." he said quietly. "Thank you, Miyuki."

Miyuki colored even more. "What are you being so quiet for? Now I feel more embarrassed than I already was."

"Ah, sorry." Sawamura was so off-kilter he didn't know what to say.

Miyuki just patted him on the shoulder. "Anyway, goodnight. And thanks again. It was a very entertaining night."

"No problem. I'll see you later." Sawamura was already opening the door.

"Bye."

When Sawamura stepped outside, he got on his bike immediately and starting riding fast. The wind blew through his hair and he stupidly thought the faster he biked, the faster he could escape those thoughts. But they kept coming anyway. Miyuki clutching his shirt and the feel of his breath on his neck. The way Miyuki smiled at him. The unwavering look in Miyuki's eyes when he told him he was glad he met him. His mind kept replaying those moments over and over and over again. He couldn't ignore it anymore.

He stopped his bike, breathing heavily for the second time today. He felt like he had just run a marathon. He crouched down on the sidewalk to catch his breath, and found himself holding his face in his hands. His face felt so hot, he must be blushing. He looked around, caught his breath, and stood up. Then he let out the loudest, strongest yell he could using all of the oxygen in his body.

Because somewhere along the line he had fallen for Miyuki Kazuya, and now he was going to have to deal with it.

 **Summer**

In the summer, Sawamura couldn't take it anymore.

Now that Sawamura knew that he had a crush on Miyuki, everything was so much harder. He thought about Miyuki all the time when they were apart, and when they were together he could feel this _want_ for something more itching underneath his skin. It was a semi-painful feeling, being so close but not close enough, but the thought of not being by Miyuki and Chiyo's sides felt worse, so there was nothing to do but force himself to deal with it. But his biggest challenge was figuring out how to hide his feelings from Miyuki. The only plan he come up with is to act normal and hope that Miyuki wouldn't notice anything is wrong. Unfortunately for him, that plan didn't really work out.

For example, there was the incident at the beach.

* * *

It was a blistering hot day. The sun was shining brightly and the heat was unbearable, especially since his air conditioning was broken _again._ When Miyuki called him up and suggested a trip to the beach, Sawamura was already packing sunscreen and getting dressed in his trunks.

When he found Miyuki's spot at the beach he didn't expect there to be so many people. Miyuki had invited Kuramochi, who had invited his friends from his school, gathering a big crowd. Not that Sawamura minded, it was always fun when he got together with Kuramochi's friends.

Tetsu and Jun had set a volleyball net and someone found a beach ball. Teams formed and soon everybody starting playing. Then Ryousuke said the team that loses has to buy lunch, and suddenly the friendly atmosphere turned competitive.

Sawamura, however, was laying on one of the beach chairs. Ryousuke had kicked him off his team because he "was so bad it'd be a crime not to kick him off". Sawamura wasn't too broken up about it, since he wanted to chill out in the sun anyway. He looked ahead and smiled at the sight of Miyuki and Chiyo playing in the water. Miyuki was spinning Chiyo around in the water, Chiyo laughing loudly. _They look happy._ Seeing them happy made Sawamura happy. After seeing their somber, expressionless faces, Sawamura was more than grateful to see their usual bright and happy faces.

The tide came in. Chiyo ran out of the water to avoid being covered but Miyuki didn't fare so well. Before he get out the water had drenched him from the chest down. Sawamura snickered at Miyuki's shocked expression, but abruptly stopped once he _really_ started looking at him.

Miyuki lifted his hand to brush his hair out of his face, exposing his body. The water slowly started dripping down and Sawamura couldn't look away. Miyuki wasn't wearing his glasses either, and with the sun out Miyuki looked like he was practically shining. He took Sawamura's breath away.

Before he could look away, Miyuki had already met his eyes. He flushed heavily and looked down feigning interest in the grains of sand. When he looked up again, Miyuki was walking over to him with Chiyo in hand.

 _Crap, he caught me staring! I can't let him talk to me before I have a good excuse!_ Sawamura sprung out of his seat and said, "Who wants a snow cone?"

Since he was paying, everyone wanted one. He hustled down to the snow cone stand before Miyuki could call his name.

In line, he cried silent tears. Here he was, spending a fortune to keep someone he's started to consider one of his closest friends from finding out about his stupid, stupid crush. And now he has to spend the rest of life figuring out how to keep it from Miyuki. Which was gonna be insanely hard, since Miyuki was great at reading him like a book.

"You never asked what flavor we wanted."

Sawamura froze, just finished giving the money to the vendor. From behind him Miyuki said, "Two cherries."

Sawamura tried to make a quick exit, only to be grabbed by the shoulder.

"Hold on, Sawamura." Miyuki said calmly. "I need to talk to you."

He can't remember the last anyone ever said those words to him in a good context. He squirmed under Miyuki's tight grasp, unable to wriggle himself free. It was clear: there was no escape.

Once Miyuki got his snow cones, he pulled Sawamura off to the side. "Sawamura, are you okay? You don't seem like yourself."

"W-Whatever do you mean? I feel perfectly fine!" He laughed loudly, just to show how perfectly fine he was.

Miyuki was even more dubious. "Yeah, so you definitely hit your head something. Look, if you don't feel like hanging on the beach anymore we could sneak off. Chiyo's getting hungry and those idiots will play volleyball till the sun goes down. And you look like you need something to eat. You were staring off into space for a long time. I almost thought you were looking at me."

"You can be so conceited sometimes, Miyuki! Why would I be looking at you?" Sawamura said, accepting the gift-wrapped excuse Miyuki had given to him. "You're right, I'm just feeling really hungry. That's why I went to go buy snow cones."

"Right." Miyuki replied simply. Then he got kind of close to Sawamura and started staring at him.

Being confronted with those dark, amber eyes up close and personal, Sawamura felt the blush reappearing on his face. "M-Miyuki? What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to make sure you aren't lying about anything else being wrong with you." Miyuki said, still staring at him. "You'd tell me, right? If there was anything wrong with you?"

It took everything in Sawamura not to look away. "Definitely. I'm an open book, isn't that what you always say?" Sawamura forced a smile. "There's no point in trying to hide anything."

After a few seconds, Miyuki finally looked away. "If you say so. Come on, let's go back. I left Chiyo with those brutes."

As Miyuki got up to walk in front of him, Sawamura let out a big sigh of relief. He'd gotten away with it now, but he knew Miyuki.

The same trick wouldn't work twice.

* * *

Sawamura wasn't the type of person to hold his feelings in. The people he liked usually like him back, so confessions were no big deal. Even if his feelings were unrequited, he'd still end up confessing just to get it off his chest. Naturally, Miyuki was the exception.

There was so much to lose with Miyuki. Every time he thought about confessing to him, he thought about the pretty likely possibility of Miyuki getting grossed out, breaking up their friendship, and pulling Chiyo out of his class, both of them refusing to ever speak to him again. Maybe he was being over dramatic, but he'd be stupid if he didn't count every scenario. At the very least, their relationship would change and Sawamura wasn't sure he was ready for that. For now, Sawamura wanted everything to stay the same.

It wasn't easy, though. Wanting everything to stay the same meant hanging out all the time, like nothing ever changed. But hanging out like that made it hard for him to keep his feelings hidden.

That point was made pretty clear at the baseball game.

This first thing Miyuki said when he called him was, "I believed I promised you a date."

Sawamura, nowhere near prepared to hear that sputtered, "W-W-What did you just say?"

"I told you I'd take you to a baseball game, right?" If he noticed Sawamura's flustered reaction didn't mention it.

"You did?" Sawamura thought about and snapped his fingers once he remembered. "Yeah, you did! Wait, so does that mean…"

"I've got three free tickets to the Lions game on Saturday. You up for it?"

Sawamura held back a squeal. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"You want to squeal, don't you?"

Sawamura pouted, even though Miyuki couldn't see him. "Men don't squeal."

So come Saturday, the three slid into their seats wearing all sorts of Lions memorabilia. Chiyo tied her hair in Lions hairbows and painted orange and white stripes on her face. Sawamura dressed in an old jersey and a Lions cap and he even brought his own mitt. Miyuki was in full fan mode: orange and white stripes, a crisp jersey of one of the players, a foam finger, and a Lions cap turned sideways. When Sawamura saw him he told him he looked like a wild teenager.

Miyuki simply replied, "I'm flattered."

They couldn't have picked a better day to go a game. Both teams were evenly matched and the close score created this excited tension that kept Sawamura on the edge of his seat. Everything was much closer, too, than the faraway TV screen. They had good enough seats that they could see foul balls flying right over them.

"There's no way you're gonna catch one," Miyuki encouraged.

Sawamura positioned his glove. "Watch me."

With each foul ball Sawamura kept his eye trained on the ball to see if he could reach for it. After some time he began to put his glove down, arms cramping from staying in that position.

Just as he lowered his hand Chiyo shouted out, "Sensei, ball!"

The moment felt as if it were in slow motion. Sawamura stretched his hand up and closed his eyes, flinching as he felt something hard landed in there. He looked in his glove and held up the caught foul ball. The crowd cheered around him. Miyuki shook his head in disbelief and Chiyo jumped up and down in excitement. Sawamura just looked at the baseball, not believing his eyes.

"I'll be damned, Sawamura," Miyuki said. "You actually caught it."

Once he broke out of stupor he instantly turned and handed the ball to Chiyo. "Here, Chiyo. You can have it."

Chiyo's eyes grew wide with wonder. "Really? But you're the one who caught it, Sensei. You should have it."

Sawamura smiled. "I wouldn't have found it without you. That means you should have it."

Chiyo gripped the ball and smiled brightly. "Thank you!"

"Welcome!" He turned again, not expecting to see Miyuki already looking at him.

Lowly Miyuki said, "I never realized how much of a sap you were."

Sawamura rolled his eyes. "You're welcome, Miyuki."

That was only the beginning of the excitement. Around the seventh inning stretch, the Kiss Cam went up, flashing at unsuspecting couples. He laughed at the funny ways people kissed each other. At point he stopped paying attention and talked to Miyuki, until a stranger behind him shook his shoulder and pointed at the screen. There was him and Miyuki, displayed for the whole stadium to see.

It felt like time had stopped. He looked at Miyuki and Miyuki stared back at him with a suspiciously blank face. Staring into Miyuki's eyes, his heart starting speeding up and his palms felt sweaty. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. All he could think was _Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't it. The minute you do, he'll know._ But at the same time another voice said, _You could do it. If he freaks out about it you can blame it on the Kiss Cam. It's a free pass to kiss Miyuki. You can't pass that up._

His thoughts were interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. He turned around and was greeted by a kiss on the cheek from Chiyo, which made the whole stadium go "awww". Sawamura thanked god when the cam finally moved to someone else.

Sawamura didn't whether he was happy or sad about what had just happened. On the one hand he salvaged his friendship with Miyuki for another day. On the other, he really wanted to kiss Miyuki.

And thinking about it a little more, Miyuki didn't seem like he was too against the idea of kissing him. He didn't turn away once when the Kiss Cam focused on them. Did that mean something? Would Miyuki have kissed him back?

Later in the bed that night Miyuki texted, _I know I was being a dick about it earlier but seriously. Thanks for letting Chiyo have the baseball. I can tell it made her really happy. In fact, this whole day made us both really happy. We should go to more games in the future._

With this text, Sawamura was reminded about why he didn't kiss Miyuki. The texts, the phone calls, Sawamura could lose all of that if he Miyuki knew about his feelings. Their friendship was too important to risk on something like a schoolgirl crush that'll probably go away.

He texts back, _Definitely!_

If being friends meant they'd be able to do many more things in the future, Sawamura would take it.

* * *

There was more to the summer than his feelings, though. There were fun moments, going to the park or the beach or some new place Miyuki swore he and Chiyo would love. Loud moments, like the firework festivals they went to. Those were amazing, the fireworks felt so close and Chiyo was fascinated by them. He even put her up on his shoulders so she could get even closer ("Which one of us is the father?" Miyuki grumbled, making the both of them laugh).

Most of all, he enjoyed the quiet moments. The moments where they didn't necessarily go anywhere, just stayed at home and enjoyed each other's company.

Somewhere along the way, he noticed, he had begun to think of Miyuki's place as "home".

His favorite moments are sitting out on the back porch with Miyuki and a beer, staring up at the clear summer sky. They spent most of the time joking around, with heavy subjects sometimes slipping in. Then one night, Miyuki blindsided him out nowhere.

"My wife died in a car accident." Miyuki said, taking another sip of his beer.

Sawamura, can halfway to his mouth, froze. "What did you say?"

"It was at night, a little earlier than now. She walked out the door and the next time I saw her was at the hospital. The doctors did everything to save her, but I already knew it. She was gone, just like that."

"Why are you telling me this now?" Miyuki took great pains to keep his wife from coming up and Sawamura didn't force it. It was something Miyuki needed to want to do. So the fact that Miyuki was doing now took him completely shocked him.

"Why, I wonder." Miyuki's eyes never left the sky. "You said I could trust you. I guess you can call this me believing you."

Sawamura couldn't contain his happiness. "You mean you're trusting me?"

"Yeah, I'm trusting you. There's no one I could tell this stuff, no one who'd want to listen and nobody who I'd want to tell. Whenever I tried, it just scared people away. Sorry if I freak you out too."

Sawamura shoved his shoulder lightly. "There's nothing you say to freak me out."

Miyuki to a deep breath, then another. "I killed her. I killed Tsubaki."

A pause.

Sawamura slowly put his can down. Then he flicked Miyuki's forehead.

"Hey!" He rubbed the spot where Sawamura hit him.

"Idiot, don't use words like 'kill' so easily! You said she died in a car accident. Unless you cut her brakes, you didn't kill her. Jeez, is that what you really think?"

"You don't know the whole story." Miyuki was wearing a grim expression and his hands are clenched. "She wasn't supposed to out that night. It was all my fault."

Tentatively, he put his hand on Miyuki's shoulder. "Miyuki, it's not your fault."

Miyuki harshly slapped his hand away. "You don't know that. Don't say empty words without knowing the whole story."

Sawamura wouldn't back down. "Tell me, then!"

"She wasn't supposed to be out that night. Everything was fine until we got into the same thing we'd been fighting about for weeks. It was so stupid, I can't even remember what it was about. We starting screaming at each other. She said some rude things but I-" he stopped abruptly. His hands were trembling in his lap. "I said some unforgivable things. She was so upset she had leave. She said she was going to take a drive to clear mind, before she said something awful. Then I never saw her again. It was all my fault." Miyuki finished, head down. "The worst thing is, I never got to say sorry. Her last memories of me were those hurtful words, and my last memory of her is of her face, hurt and crying. I know she must hate me."

This time Sawamura didn't settle for a simple flick. He full on smacked Miyuki across the back of his head.

"Sawamura, what the fuck-"

"Miyuki, you idiot!" Miyuki was shocked to see tears streaming down Sawamura's face. "No wonder you seem so unhappy sometimes! It's because you're a stupid, stupid, idiot!"

"Usually people say something more sympathetic." Miyuki raised his arms, not sure if he should be comforting Sawamura.

Sawamura pulled Miyuki into a crushing hug. "It's not your fault, Miyuki. I mean it. People get in fights all the time, that doesn't make it your fault that she died. You had no control over that, so stop thinking that you killed her. There was nothing you could've done."

"I could've stopped her from leaving. I could've stopped myself from driving her away."

"You're not listening to me!" Sawamura moved back, forcing Miyuki to stare into his fiery eyes. "Are you going to blame yourself for anything that happens to anyone who comes into contact with to you? If I hurt myself coming to see you, would that be your fault too?"

Miyuki opened his mouth, but Sawamura railroaded over him. "The answer is no! You need to grow up and realize that some things are out of your control. Your wife's death wasn't your fault or her fault, it was no one's fault! And I know she doesn't hate you. Maybe I never met her, but I think she wants you to be happy. I think she'd hate it she knew you've been blaming yourself for her death. So stop blaming yourself, Miyuki! I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's _not_ your fault."

Miyuki looked at a loss for words. There were so many different emotions flashing in Miyuki's eyes. He let out a loud exhale and pulled Sawamura in for another hug.

"I've never been called an idiot while talking about my wife before." he whispered into his shoulder.

Sawamura hugged him back. "I call them like I see them."

* * *

Sawamura was forced into babysitting Chiyo, since Miyuki got suddenly called into work and the regular babysitter wasn't answering his calls. But since he genuinely liked Chiyo, he wasn't complaining.

They were watching a sweet, funny, G-rated romantic comedy. It was a pretty standard: two people, a teacher and an investment banker, who under normal circumstances wouldn't meet or fall in love but end up doing both. Where they were the main couple was still denying their feelings for each other though it was obvious to everyone around them, even the teacher's own child.

"Just confess, Haru! It's so obvious he loves you too!" he yelled at the screen. Come to think of it, there was something about this movie that seemed familiar...Maybe he'd seen the movie before.

"Sensei, do you love Papa?"

Sawamura choked on his popcorn, his water, everything. A few minutes passed while he coughed violently and fought for his life before he could speak again. "Sorry, what was that?"

"I asked you if you loved Papa." Chiyo repeated calmly.

Sawamura laughed nervously. "Where did that question come from, Chiyo?"

"You and Papa act just like the people in the movie, so I was wondering."

"What? No we-"

"And I heard Uncle Youichi and Uncle Ryou talking one time and Uncle Youichi said you were so in love with Papa it was disgusting. But Papa said not to listen to anything Uncle says, so I didn't ask."

 _Damn Kuramochi. Talking shit behind my back._ Sawamura promised himself he'd get back at Kuramochi later.

"Sensei, you still haven't answered my question!" Chiyo whined.

"You see it's-we-I-" The truth of it all started to weigh down on him all of a sudden. He was going to have to keep this to himself for the rest of his life, not letting himself slip up even a little bit. He might as well let go this one time. So he took a deep breath and said it.

"Yes, Chiyo. I love your father."

Chiyo's eyes got really wide, like her eyes were about to pop out her head. Then she squealed loudly and hugged him as tightly as she could.

"I'm so happy, Sensei! Now we can be a real family!" Her face lit up with an idea. "Can I call you Mama?"

"Okay, time out." A few sentences and Sawamura was already feeling winded. "I think you're going a little fast."

Chiyo was off in her own little world. "Will you and Papa get married? Can I plan your wedding? And can my friends help? Nat-chan has a sister who's married, so she should have lots of ideas."

"Whoa, whoa!" Sawamura said, with a raised voice that stopped Chiyo in her tracks. "You're going way too fast, Chiyo. First of all, your father and I aren't getting married."

"Why not? If two people are in love, they get married. You and Papa are in love, so you should get married." Chiyo pouted, adamant in her logic.

Sawamura sighed. _How do I make her understand this?_ "Chiyo, there are two types of loves. There's the type of love like in the movie, where you get married and live happily ever after. Then there's the type of love that you have for your family. Miyuki loves me the way he loves you or Kuramochi or anyone else." The words hurt to say. "Do you understand?"

"You're wrong, Sensei." Chiyo said with a fierce look in her eyes. "Papa loves you just like they love each other!"

"Chiyo-"

"No!" she yelled. "You're wrong. After Mama went away, Papa stopped smiling and he didn't talk as much anymore. Papa was sad all the time and it made me sad all the time. But now that Papa and Sensei are friends , Papa smiles and and laughs all the time. He talks all the time, too. Papa loves you, I know it!"

Sawamura smiled sadly. "Chiyo, you shouldn't worry things like that. No matter how Miyuki feels about me, I can still be your family. Family is about your heart more than anything."

Chiyo crossed her arms. "I'll ask Papa when he gets home, and he'll tell you how much he loves you. You'll see."

"No, you won't." he said in a serious tone. "What I told you was a secret, something I'm expecting you to keep it to yourself. I'm trusting you, Chiyo. If you tell your papa or anyone I'll be very, _very,_ disappointed in you. Understand?"

Chiyo lowered her head. "I understand."

Not too long after that Chiyo asked to go to bed, so Sawamura helped her get ready for bed. Before he tucked her in she said, "Papa loves you, Sensei. Why won't you believe me?"

Sawamura patted her on the head. "Goodnight, Chiyo."

Once the door was shut behind him, Sawamura leaned against the wall. He was emotionally drained. Miyuki loving him the same way he loved him? It was a beautiful fantasy, an impossible reality. Still, it felt good to finally say it out loud.

He loved Miyuki. Loved him. Because he loved Miyuki he didn't want to do or say anything that would burden him. He had already made a mistake and burdened Chiyo with his feelings, he didn't want to it again.

Sawamura flopped back onto the couch. "When did my life become a romantic comedy?"

* * *

Something shifted between him and Miyuki, Sawamura could tell.

It was like Miyuki had finally stopped holding back. There were a lot happy times sure, but now Miyuki was upfront about the times when he wasn't feeling as happy and needed his space. He also talked about his wife more, which made Sawamura happy. He told Sawamura stories about their wedding, Chiyo's birth, how they met.

"It was pretty cliche," Miyuki said over dinner. "I played for my college's baseball team and she played for the softball team. We met at a sports function and the rest was history."

"Wow, just like in the movies!" Sawamura said, teasing.

"Well, it wasn't exactly your perfect love story. At first, she couldn't stand me. She used to always say, 'Kazuya, I remember the day I met you perfectly. It was hate at first sight'." Miyuki said fondly.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

"Oh, good one."

Sawamura couldn't find it in himself to feel jealous. In fact, it had always bothered him that Miyuki actively avoided talking about his wife. Up until that point all Tsubaki was to him was a picture on the wall, and that felt wrong to Sawamura. He wanted to know all about her, about what type of girl could make Miyuki Kazuya fall for her. He wondered too, if Tsubaki would like him if she were alive.

Nevertheless, the summer months passed by before his eyes. Sawamura began to think of Miyuki and Chiyo as family, the closest thing they could possibly be to him. For him, his relationship with Miyuki had gone far past the label of "friends" or even "best friends". He didn't know what to call it other than family. His entire routine had adjusted to fit with Miyuki's, he couldn't even imagine life without him. Whether Sawamura liked it or not Miyuki was fully entwined into Sawamura's life.

He had no idea if Miyuki felt the same, though. Despite how much they've bared themselves to each other Sawamura still never knew what was going through Miyuki's head. Did he think of Sawamura as family? Did he think they were spending too much time together? Was he getting tired of him? Sawamura could never ask these questions, no matter how much he wanted to. He was afraid of saying too much and freaking Miyuki out. So he suffered in silence with those questions whirling around in his brain.

Until finally, God answered his prayers.

He got up from the couch, about to leave when he felt a warm hand wrap around his wrist. He turned to Miyuki with a questioning look on his face.

"Stay."

The word hung in the air between them. Miyuki looked as surprised as Sawamura felt, but he didn't say anything. Sawamura just stood there, face getting warmer as he registered the word and stayed keenly aware of the fact that Miyuki's hand was still wrapped around his wrist.

"Um, what I meant was it's late outside. You shouldn't bike ride in the dark. Knowing you, you'd probably run into a tree." Sawamura had never seen Miyuki look so flustered. Even his jib had fallen short.

"Y-Yeah. I'll stay if you want me to." Sawamura mumbled.

"I want you to." Miyuki said clearly, without a doubt. "Here, I'll take the couch and you can have my bed."

After a fifteen argument about who takes the couch, Sawamura won and Miyuki went to go grab some blankets. As soon as he turned the corner, Sawamura took a pillow and held it to his face, muffling his screams. Each day he spent with Miyuki made it harder to walk out of the door. Every time he tried to get up the courage to ask if he could stay, just one time. Never in a million years would he have thought it'd be Miyuki to ask him stay, and not like that either. He had rode home in the dark a bunch of times before and Miyuki never said anything to him. Miyuki wanted him to stay for a different reason, he knew it. _That means he feels it too, right? It's not just me!_ Sawamura tried to calm himself down, but he couldn't help it. He was so happy.

"What's with the creepy smile?" Miyuki said when he came back.

Sawamura's smile didn't falter. "It's nothing. You wouldn't get it even if I told you."

Miyuki looked confused, but didn't ask any questions. He just handed Sawamura the blankets and pillows and wished him a goodnight.

When he woke up, he was surprised to hear the sound of snoring so close to him. He turned over and saw Miyuki, sitting on the floor and leaning his head against the couch, sleeping. Sawamura reached out and softly stroked his hair, just to make sure this wasn't a dream. _He's here, instead of sleeping in his bed. He could've slept in his nice, comfortable bed but he chose to sleep out here with me instead._ Sawamura laid on his back and smiled up at the ceiling. _Miyuki...is it possibly that you like me the same way I like you?_

For the first time, Sawamura allowed himself to hope.

* * *

So of course, that's when everything went to hell.

Sawamura became hyper aware of every move Miyuki made. He noticed the way Miyuki would stare at him when he thought Sawamura wasn't paying attention. He noticed how differently Miyuki treated him compared to his other friends, and how differently Miyuki acted when they were alone. There were smiles only Sawamura got to see, jokes only he got. Stuff like that made Sawamura bolder. He casually brushed against Miyuki when they were side by side or walking somewhere together. One night while they were watching a movie, his knee somehow found itself sidling up next to Miyuki's. Sawamura couldn't find the courage to press his knee against Miyuki's, but he did notice that Miyuki's didn't move the whole movie.

More and more, the idea of Miyuki liking him back started to sound less crazy. They were already so close, and every interaction was always so intense. He couldn't be the only one feeling this way, he couldn't! Maybe Miyuki wanted this too, he just didn't know how to ask for it. But the thought of asking Miyuki out still made his insides curdle. Even if he was totally, ninety-nine percent sure that Miyuki liked, there was still a chance that he was wrong. That one percent terrified him, because if he was wrong there was also a chance that he would lose Miyuki. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready to take that risk.

Still, some days his courage was bolstered more than others. Today, in fact, he was feeling pretty good. He stopped by the movie store and saw they had a movie Miyuki mentioned he'd been wanting to watch, now that it was on DVD. He picked it up, already thinking about what else he might dare to do while they watched this together.

As he rode his bike to Miyuki's house he realized he'd probably should call to let Miyuki know he was coming, knew shrugged off the suggestion. It was Saturday, Miyuki probably expected him to be coming anyway.

Once he arrived at Miyuki's house, he parked his bike on the porch. He whistled as he knocked on the door. "Who is it?" Chiyo asked from the inside.

"It's me!"

The door swung open. "Sensei, what are you doing here?" Her smile looked stiff and her face looked nervous.

"I found the movie your father was talking about." Sawamura stepped inside. "Yo, Miyuki! Where are you?"

Miyuki walked into the family room. "Sawamura? What are you doing here?"

Sawamura didn't respond. Instead, he looked Miyuki up and down, taking in his appearance. Miyuki was wearing a dark blue button with black pants. His hair was combed down and Sawamura could smell his cologne, even from where he was standing.

"I found that movie wanted and I thought we could watch it. But I see you're going to work." Sawamura said, because that's the only reason Miyuki would get dressed up. Why else?

"Oh, I'm not going to work. I'm, well, technically I'm going on a date. My co-worker kinda forced it on me…"

All of Miyuki's were drowned out after the word "date". He kept hearing that word over and over again in his head, in a constant loop.

Of course only one other sentence cut through.

"...but who knows? Maybe she could be your new mom, Chiyo. What's that saying, 'fate works in mysterious ways'? I might as well try to have fun."

 _Oh,_ Sawamura thought. _This is what it feels like to have your heart broken._

Because he was wrong. Miyuki didn't like him that, never liked him like that. He didn't even think of it as a possibility. Because if he liked him, why would he go on a date with someone else? Why would he talk about someone else being Chiyo's new mom? He was wrong, wrong about everything. It was only him feeling those stupid, uncontrollable feelings, and that might have been the worst part.

"Sawamura, are you okay?" Miyuki said in a worried tone, suddenly coming close to him.

Sawamura touched his face, and that's when he realized he was crying.

"Sawamura-"

He pushed Miyuki back as soon as he realized. "Sorry, I don't know what's going on with me! I've been having weird mood swings lately, happy one minute sad the next." He tried to laugh but it sounded harsh and fake even to him. "I should've called. Sorry about that!"

Miyuki scrunched his eyebrows. "Sawamura…"

"I guess I'll be leaving now. Have fun on your...your…" It hit him. Miyuki was _never_ going to feel the same way about him. All that courage he had piled up, all leading up to maybe confessing, it was all for nothing anyway. Sawamura was going to come back tomorrow and pretend none of those thoughts ever popped into his head.

But tonight, tonight he couldn't hold back all of his emotions. He had to leave.

The tears welled up in his eyes again. "Miyuki, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" He ran out the door without another word.

He ran without a purpose, not even looking where he was going. He realized a second too late that he'd left without his bike. _I'm so stupid. God, I'm so stupid._

He stopped at the nearby park, resting against a tree to catch his breath. He tried to think about his game plan from here. He'd be damned if he was going back to Miyuki, so that meant he was walking home. Next, he had to come up with a reasonable explanation for his weird behavior to Miyuki that wasn't _I'm in love with you and I thought you might have feelings for me too but I was wrong and I didn't really prepare myself for that._ Maybe he'd sleep on it.

"Sawamura!" He turned around and saw that it was Miyuki, running up to him.

 _Shit, why did he come after me?_ Sawamura was frozen in place. He didn't know what to do. He knew if he ran away again it'd look more suspicious to Miyuki, but he couldn't stay in his emotional state. When he got flustered, he tended to say the wrong things.

All the time he wasted thinking of what to do next, Miyuki had already caught up to him. "Sawamura, I caught you." Miyuki said, breathing heavy. "What the hell was that?"

"What?" Sawamura hoped he could stall his way out of this.

"You know what I'm talking about. You ran out of the house like you saw a ghost. And you were crying. I want to know why." Miyuki pinned him with his steely gaze.

Sawamura had to look away. "I told you, I've been having mood swings lately."

"Yeah, right. Now tell me the _real_ reason."

"That is the real reason! You shouldn't be worrying about me anyway. Don't you have a date to get to?" he turned, getting ready to walk away.

He didn't expect Miyuki to grab his arm. "I'm not stupid, Sawamura. I know when you're lying to me. If there's something bothering you, I want to know. You can trust me too, you know."

Sawamura felt his resolve weakening. "You wouldn't say that if you knew."

Miyuki grinned. "Come on. If I haven't figured out already, it can't be that bad."

Sawamura was like a string stretched taut. "What do you mean by that?"

Miyuki's smug face was on, the one Sawamura hated. "You're kind of an open book, Sawamura. If you murdered someone, you wouldn't even have to tell me. If it was anything big, I'd already know about it. So what? Did you break my vase or something?"

The string snapped.

"You're right, Miyuki, why _haven't_ you figured it out yet? You're the only one that doesn't know! Harucchi's figured it out, Kuramochi figured it out, even damn _Furuya_ knows! It's only you doesn't know why, who hasn't really tried to find out what's bothering me. It's funny, really, because _you're_ the one that's bothering me! It's all your fault! It's because of you that everything's all mixed up in my head and I don't whether I'm happy or sad or anything! You're the one that's making me cry, and you wanna why? Because I'm in love with you, you bastard! But you didn't notice, because that's not big enough for you to pick up! Why would it be? You've never thought-" That's when Sawamura actually took a look at Miyuki's face.

Miyuki looked so stunned, he was frozen. His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open, and that's when Sawamura heard exactly what he just said.

He slapped a hand over his hand. "Oh my god. Did I just...Oh my god!" He did it. Without meaning to, he just confessed all his pent up feelings to Miyuki's face.

All that was left to do was run.

And that's exactly what he did. Before Miyuki could catch him, Sawamura ran away. He didn't stop, even as he heard Miyuki shout his name. He kept running until he was sure Miyuki was far, far behind him.

He ran so hard he couldn't breathe, falling to the ground on his knees. He put his face in his face, thinking, _I ruined it. I ruined everything. Miyuki will never want to speak to me again._

And just that thought brought tears to his eyes again.

* * *

Miyuki slammed the door behind him. The nanny rushed up to him saying, "Miyuki-san, are you okay? When I asked Chiyo where you were she started crying and told me you ran off somewhere. Did something happen? Miyuki-san?"

Her words slid past Miyuki. All he could hear was _Because I'm in love with you, you bastard!_ resounding in his mind like a constant loop.

He knew it. Deep down, a part of him had already figured that out. He remembered the exact day he started to suspect something was different. They were at the beach and he was playing in the water with Chiyo. He glanced over at Sawamura to see Sawamura already looking at him. Their eyes met, and Miyuki knew something had changed. Not just in Sawamura, but in himself as well. The feelings that rose up in Miyuki once he met Sawamura's eyes...well, he wouldn't know. As soon as they rose up, Miyuki squashed them down flat. That's what he'd been doing the whole summer, suppressing the feelings that rose up in him before he could think about them.

"Miyuki-san!" The nanny's voice finally cut through.

He gave her a tense smile. "Sorry, Nanami-chan, I think I'll be staying in tonight. Sorry for the inconvenience."

The worried look didn't leave her eyes but she simply said, "Okay. I hope you feel better, Miyuki-san."

In bed, he stared up at the ceiling. When he closed his eyes he saw Sawamura's tear-filled face and Sawamura's body running farther and farther away from him, possibly to never return. Thinking thoughts like that made him toss and turn until he finally gave up on sleep. _And I was just starting to sleep well at night again._ Of course, that was also all due to Sawamura. Their late night texts became sort of a lullaby for him, until he couldn't even stay up anymore. It had been the first time in a while he had a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

 _Sawamura. Sawamura. Sawamura._ The name rolled around in Miyuki's head. What was he going to do? No one had taken Miyuki more off guard on a constant basis than Sawamura. Ever since he met him it was one surprise after another. And now...this. _I have to talk to him._ But what was he going to say? Miyuki knew the obvious thing to say was that while he was flattered he didn't return Sawamura's feelings, but those words felt sour in his mouth. Because he knew they weren't true.

He shook his head. _Don't go there. Just...think about something else. Did he get home okay? He left his bike here. I can't believe he'd really walk all the way home._ His trend of thought was broken by the vibration of his phone.

 _Got home okay. Took a taxi._ His heart sunk at the detached, fragmented text Sawamura sent him. Sawamura's texts were usually so full of life. These felt dead.

 _Sawamura, can we talk tomorrow? We can go to the bar, have a few drinks._ Miyuki said that, but he had no idea what he was going to say to him. But whatever happened, he didn't want to lose Sawamura. That scared him more than anything.

Sawamura never responded back. Miyuki told himself that Sawamura had probably fallen asleep or turned his phone off. He'd get back to him the morning, and then they would talk.

But for once, Miyuki was _too_ optimistic.

* * *

For the rest of the week, Sawamura avoided him.

He wouldn't return his calls, answer his texts, or respond to his voicemails. Because it was summer break, Miyuki didn't have the excuse of picking up Chiyo to corner Sawamura. Even when Miyuki stopped by to drop off his bike, Sawamura found a way to avoid him. He knocked on the door for what felt like forever, but there was no answer. He ended up leaving the bike in front of his door, swearing that when he got in his car he could see the door open.

It wasn't much better at his house either. Chiyo was so upset about Sawamura's departure that she refused to speak to him saying, "You hurt Sensei's feelings! I won't forgive that!" When she did speak to him it was to ask if Sensei called or if Sensei was coming over. Seeing her depressed face made him sad too, but he didn't know what to do. He had to wait for Sawamura to come to him.

Another week passed. It was weird, how intertwined his life was with Sawamura. Instead of the days blending together, each hour dragged on mercilessly. It was like the universe was toying with him, constantly showing him things that Sawamura would find cool or hilarious. And each time he'd get so excited, thinking what he'd say when he met up with him, before realizing that they weren't meeting up because they weren't talking. Then he'd would feel really...empty.

Chiyo started talking to him again, but she seemed a lot quieter. Everything seemed a lot quieter without Sawamura's overpowering personality. One night, while they were eating dinner, Chiyo asked, "Will Sensei ever come back?"

Miyuki stopped mid-chew. "Of course, Chiyo. Sensei just needs some time to himself. When he's ready to come and see us he'll come see us, okay?" He gave her a weak smile. "I'm sure he'll come over soon."

Based on Chiyo's face, she didn't look convinced.

Later that night Miyuki texted Sawamura saying, _Please, Sawamura. At least give me a sign that you're getting these messages._

When Miyuki woke up, there was still no response.

By the third week of radio silence, Miyuki couldn't take it anymore. Even so, he was still at a lost for what to do. So, desperate as he was, he decided to tuck his tail between his legs and ask for advice.

"This better be good," Kuramochi plopping down in the seat across from him. "I can't remember the last time you invited me to lunch."

"Come on, You-chan. Don't be so-"

"Save it. You didn't call me up just to be an asshole. So what is it?" Kuramochi said, straight to the point.

Miyuki's smirk dropped. "It's...swear you won't tell anyone?"

Kuramochi sighed. "I swear."

Miyuki was still hesitant to tell him."Sawamura has been avoiding me for weeks now and I don't how to get him to talk to me."

"Why is he avoiding you?"

Miyuki looked away. "It may have something to do with the fact that he told me he's in love with me."

There was silence for a few seconds. Then Kuramochi surprised him by chuckling. "He really did it, huh? I thought he'd never get the balls to actually confess. Good for him."

"You knew?"

"Yeah, I'm not blind." Kuramochi slurped his drink. "Now I understand what the problem is. Look, because Sawamura is an idiot he probably didn't understand your confession. He probably thought you just wanted to be friends or something like that. Just camp out at his house until he goes to get the mail or something and make him understand your feelings."

Miyuki took a second to process the things Kuramochi was saying, because it wasn't adding up. "What do you mean 'my confession'?"

Kuramochi stared at him blankly. "You did confess to him, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't. I mean, he ran off before I could anything but still. I'm not exactly sure how feel about him. What makes you so sure I would confess to him anyway?"

Miyuki saw the vein pulsing in Kuramochi's forehead. Before he could even react he grabbed the front of Miyuki's shirt, clenching tight around the fabric. "Listen up, idiot, because I'm only going to say this once. Do have any idea what it's been like being around you two for months now? Just the way you guys stare at each other is enough to make me hold in my barf, but the way you two talk to each other? It's like torture to listen to. You guys talk like you're the only people in the world, like you don't notice anyone around you except each other. I knew from the time I found out that you and him knew each other that Sawamura would probably be attracted to you, since he's into assholes. I told him straight up not to get involved with you because I didn't think you were ready for a relationship." Kuramochi's hand loosened a little bit. "Then I saw the way you two acted around each other. It was the first time I had seen you let your guard down in front of anyone since Tsubaki."

"What are you trying to say?" Miyuki said, expressionless.

"I'm saying, you're in love with Sawamura and you should do whatever it takes to make sure he understands that. You'll both be happier that way."

Miyuki could feel his fingernails digging into his palms. "That's easy for you to say, Youichi. I don't take words like love lightly. Love is a strong emotion, something that can take control over everything. Love means giving yourself over completely to another person and I-I can't do that with Sawamura. I'm still the same person I was when I was with Tsubaki. If I let Sawamura in I'll end up driving him away too and I can't. I can't go through that again." The words ended off in a whisper.

Kuramochi took a deep breath and hit Miyuki on top of his head. Hard.

"Shit, Youichi!" he cursed, rubbing the growing bump.

"I call Sawamura the idiot, but really it's you. You're already driving him away, stupid! Do you think your problems will be solved by pretending your feelings don't exist? You'll just end up unhappy and I'm tired of seeing your depressing, frowning face. I'd rather try and fail then never try at all and spend the rest of my life thinking what if. Don't decide for yourself how the relationship's gonna end before it's even started! Let Sawamura decide whether or not it's worth the risk. You've practically been dating for months already, you may as be completely honest with each other. I can't force you into a relationship, Kazuya, but if you hurt Sawamura because of your own stupid ideas I'll kick your ass."

Before Miyuki could say anything, Kuramochi stood up. "I've gotta get back to work. Don't call me again until you've stopped being stupid." He walked a few steps away before stopping and walking back.

"One more thing." He met his eyes dead on. "Losing Tsubaki, _that wasn't your fault._ I can't tell you that enough. But if you don't do something about Sawamura, you'll lose him too and that _will_ be your fault. Fight for your happiness, Kazuya. No one can do it but you."

Kuramochi walked away, leaving Miyuki thinking clearer than ever before.

* * *

Miyuki laid awake in bed. _If you don't do something about Sawamura, you'll lose him too_. Kuramochi's words echoed back to him. More than anything, losing Sawamura scared him the most. _Why is that?_ Miyuki thought to himself. _Why do I care so much about him?_ It had only been less than a year since he met Sawamura, yet it felt like they had known each other forever. Spending a few weeks away from him was already a struggle. Kuramochi was right, whatever he felt for Sawamura had gone beyond simple friendship a long time ago. So what exactly did he feel for Sawamura?

Like a broken dam, Miyuki finally let all of his feelings pour out.

* * *

The first time he met Sawamura, the first thing he noticed was his eyes.

They were golden, bright like the sun and flickering with so many emotions. Miyuki's mind went blank for a minute, looking at him. The secretary's shrill voice was the only thing that could cut through his daze and only then was he able to take in the ridiculous scene. A grown man being overtaken by a bunch of little kids, it was hilarious. At that moment, he thought nothing of his momentary daze. Sawamura was nothing more to him than Chiyo's weird teacher.

He didn't expect to see Sawamura anywhere but in school or to find him incredibly easy to talk to, but both happened. He'd find himself staying after school to talk to Sawamura, not walking away until Chiyo tugged on the back of his jacket. Every time he ran into Sawamura was a fun experience. He enjoyed how easy it was to rile Sawamura up and how amusing Sawamura was to be around.

He still found Sawamura weird, though. As Kuramochi often told him he had an unconscious habit of "pushing people away with his horrible attitude". People who tried to get close to him usually got put off by his personality and soon ended up leaving him alone. Miyuki didn't mind, since he had no interest in making any new friends. So when he started interacting with Sawamura outside of school he expected the same thing to happen. That's why Sawamura was so weird, because the opposite happened. Miyuki would act his same asshole self and Sawamura would grumble, yell, or curse at him but he didn't stop talking to Miyuki. Even when Miyuki pissed him off the most, Sawamura would still have a seat waiting for him at the bar. It'd been a long time since anyone had put up with him, and Miyuki couldn't help but take advantage to that. Whenever he had free time he'd end up going to the bar, hoping to see Sawamura there and not thinking too deeply about why.

When Sawamura called them friends, he didn't know what to say. He hadn't heard somebody refer to him as that for a long time, not even Kuramochi. There was a nagging part of him that told to crush Sawamura, nip whatever ideas of friendship he had in the bud. Not to let Sawamura get too close. But in the end, he couldn't. He didn't know why, cutting people off was as easy as breathing to Miyuki, but somehow he couldn't do it to Sawamura. They were friends, whether he liked it or not.

That's where things got dangerous for Miyuki. He kept trying to put his wall up but Sawamura broke through it like it was nothing. Miyuki felt like he could tell anything him anything, which against his will Miyuki pretty much did. The more he told Sawamura, the more he held his breath. He was waiting for Sawamura to realize that he had too much baggage and run away like he should have in the first place. But after months Sawamura proved that he wasn't leaving, even explicitly telling him that. Once Sawamura told him that, that's the moment he had to shut his feelings down, before it got out of hand. He'd be damned if he'd ruin a good thing because he was taking Sawamura's kindness the wrong way.

He began blocking out his more than friendly feelings for Sawamura so effectively, he started to doubt whether he really had them or not. He rationalized them as a confusion, since he hadn't had a friend in a while. Thinking like that, he could pretend that nothing had changed. Sawamura didn't make it easy on him, though, not even a little bit. He remembered a moment when he was _this_ close to breaking, where it was almost impossible to hold back.

He could still hear it now. Sawamura telling him in a clear voice, clearer than anything anyone had ever told, that his wife's death wasn't his fault. He could see Sawamura's tear streaked face, feel the way his breath was forcibly pushed out by Sawamura's crushing hug. So many people had said that to him and he ignored all of them. But hearing it from Sawamura, it felt like absolution.

Caught in Sawamura's arms, he could've fallen in love with him right there…

Wait.

 _Could've_ fallen in love? If he was able to admit that he could've fallen in love with him, didn't that mean he was already in love? Miyuki let the memories pour in and, for the first time in months, didn't hold back the emotions that came with them.

Sawamura, eyes shining brightly with laughter because of him.

Sawamura, staying up late to text him, even if he has something to do in the morning.

Sawamura, twirling Chiyo around in the air, the both of them smiling and giggling and reminding Miyuki of what happiness feels like.

Sawamura, the only person able to make him _laugh_ on the worst day of his life, the day he lost the only other person who could lift him up when he was at his worst.

Sawamura, the only other person to dare to promise that he wouldn't leave him, and that could make Miyuki want to cling to that promise like a desperate man.

He loved him. Miyuki Kazuya was in love with Sawamura Eijun. Even though he promised himself that he'd never open himself up to that pain again, Sawamura came into his life and forced him rethink everything.

Miyuki sat up in bed suddenly, the strength of this realization forcing him to rise up. _I love him. I love Sawamura._ The best part was he didn't have to lie in anguish cursing himself for having these feelings. He already knew Sawamura felt the exact same way he did. In hindsight, it explained everything, why he was so weird this summer and why he was so emotional about Miyuki going on that date. _I'm so stupid. I hurt him because I was too coward to own up to my own feelings. Now he's avoiding me, thinking he's the only one that feels this way._ Thinking that actually made Miyuki get out of bed, ready to run all the way to Sawamura's door and tell him everything.

Unfortunately, he wasn't in high school anymore and had a child sleeping defenselessly in the next room. He wasn't worried, he had all of tomorrow for that.

 _Just you wait, Sawamura._ Miyuki thought, curling back up into bed. _I'm coming for you, and this time I won't take no for an answer._

* * *

Miyuki banged on Sawamura's door, unrelenting. "Open up, Sawamura! I know you're in there!" There was no answer, but he heard shuffling inside the apartment.

He banged on the door again. "Are you really gonna make me do this outside? Because I'm not leaving this time. I'll say what I need to say from here if I have to."

Still no response. "Fine then. I can say this without seeing you." Miyuki put his hand on the door, palm outstretched. "I wish I could see you, though. It feels like it's been forever since I've heard your stupid voice."

"Sawamura, I'm really sorry." he started. "You're the last person that I ever wanted to hurt, yet I ended up hurting you anyway. This all happened because I was scared and acted like a coward, and ignored your feelings and my own. I'm really, truly sorry." He took a deep breath. "I want you to know that I'm done running away from my feelings and I'm done holding back. I want to be completely honest with you, because I trust you, Sawamura, more than anyone."

He closed his eyes, smiling. "Sawamura, the first time I met you I thought you were a real weirdo. You let kids stomp all over you as if they're the ones in charge, you see the good in everything even when there is none, you took the effort to befriend some jerk he when he didn't deserve it." He was heavily leaning against the door, pressing close to the only barrier between him and Sawamura. "You brought light into my life when I was in the darkest place I had ever been in. I don't have the words to describe what that did to me. The only thing that I can say is this: I love you, Sawamura. I love you. I never thought I'd fall in love again but somehow you-"

The door was ripped open and Miyuki was falling before he knew what was going on. Apparently, he was leaning on the door a bit too heavily.

"You know, a warning would've been nice." He looked up, and all the words froze in his mouth meeting Sawamura's gaze.

Sawamura's mouth was open, and his eyes were shining.

* * *

Sawamura was about to open the door when he heard Miyuki's voice. He stopped just as his hand was about to turn the knob. He tried to walked away quietly before Miyuki could notice, but his footsteps were too loud.

"Open up, Sawamura! I know you're in there!" Sawamura winced at the sound of Miyuki's voice. It felt like it had been a long since he and Miyuki talked, despite it only being a few weeks. He really missed Miyuki, which made it hurt more knowing what Miyuki had come here to do.

He was going to reject him first, then dump him as a friend. Miyuki must be pretty grossed out, now that he knew Sawamura was thinking about him in that way. It didn't come as a surprise that Miyuki wouldn't want to see again him again. In fact, Miyuki probably hated him now too. He shook his head furiously. _No, stop thinking like that!_

That was all could think about the past few weeks, about how he destroyed his and Miyuki's friendship and how he had lost him forever. He didn't mind Miyuki rejecting him, all he wanted was to stay by Miyuki's side. Doing it as a friend didn't bother him at all. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized how unlikely it was that Miyuki would be okay staying around him knowing how Sawamura felt. It got to the point where he thought Miyuki might hate him. Once he thought that, he actively started avoiding Miyuki. He would avoid Miyuki forever if it meant he'd never have to hear him say those words.

"Are you really gonna make me do this outside? Because I'm not leaving this time. I'll say what I need to say from here if I have to." The serious tone in Miyuki's voice made his hand twitch towards the knob, but he couldn't do it. He wasn't ready to face Miyuki yet.

"Fine then. I can say this without seeing you." That made Sawamura's head snap up. _He can't be serious!_ Sawamura wanted to walk away, cover his ears, anything not to hear the words coming out of Miyuki's mouth. Before he could Miyuki said, "I wish I could see you, though. It feels like it's been forever since I've heard your stupid voice."

The way Miyuki said that so fondly, Sawamura couldn't run away. He puts his hand on the door, palm outstretched. Maybe he should let Miyuki crush him completely. At least then, he could get on with his life. He still wasn't ready to see him, but he thought that maybe it'd be enough if he heard Miyuki's words.

"Sawamura, I'm really sorry." Sawamura's heart clenched. _Here we go._ But as he listened on to Miyuki's words it started to sound less like an apology and more like something else. But what, Sawamura had no idea.

Then he heard it.

"...I love you, Sawamura."

His head went fuzzy, blocking out everything except those words. Everything he had been feeling for weeks-no, months-had come back to him all at once and before he knew it he was ripping the door open.

Miyuki was saying something but he didn't hear over his own heartbeat. "Do you mean that, Miyuki? Do you really mean that?" He was starting to sound frantic, scared to let himself hope again. "I didn't mean it as a friend love. Don't say that unless you really, truly, seriously mean it because I...I can't take this anymore, Miyuki! Don't say anything just to be nice, give it to me straight!"

Miyuki stood up slowly. "Idiot," he whispered, raising his hand to brush Sawamura's cheek softly. "When have I ever said anything to be nice?"

Sawamura could feel himself tearing up again. "Miyuki..."

Miyuki raised his other hand to his cheek, tilting Sawamura's face up to look at him. "I've never meant anything more than I mean this. I love you, Sawamura. And if you give me another chance, I'll prove it to you."

His heart soared, leaving him sorta light-headed. Despite his face still being streaked with tears, he smiled brightly, wider than he had in weeks. He threw his arms around Miyuki and pressed them close.

"I'm so happy. I'm really, really happy." He buried his head in Miyuki's neck. "Thank you, Miyuki."

He could feel Miyuki grow warm. "What are you thanking me for? I should be thanking you." He pushed Sawamura back, but not too far. Their face were only inches apart. "Thank you, Sawamura. Thank you for loving me."

Miyuki leaned in and kissed him, soft and unforgettable, and Sawamura allowed himself to fall into that heady feeling.

And right there, lips pressed against Miyuki, Sawamura knew he was stuck with Miyuki, for as long as he lived. He wouldn't want it any other way.

* * *

"Sensei!"

Sawamura snaps back into the present, hearing Chiyo call his name. "Huh?"

"Come on, Sensei! Papa got the camera to work!" Chiyo waves him over.

Sawamura smiles. It's autumn again, and this weekend he and Miyuki decided to take Chiyo on a picnic in the park. The weather is only slightly windy, with the multi-colored leaves blowing past them. Watching those leaves is what got Sawamura thinking in the first place, but he guesses that now is not the time for that.

He stands up and walks over to them. "I told you don't have to call me Sensei. I'm not even your teacher anymore."

"You wouldn't let me call you Mama." Chiyo pouts.

"Come on, Chiyo! Even you're old enough to understand what's wrong with that!"

"She can call you Sensei, if you're insistent on calling me Miyuki." Miyuki says, fixated on positioning the tripod.

Sawamura blushes. "It's not as easy as you think! I can't just start saying it any time!"

Miyuki turns to him and smirks. "I can. The camera's ready, Eijun."

Sawamura colored a deep shade of red. "D-Don't do that!"

Miyuki laughed, eyes lighting up. "Good, now let's take a picture like that."

Sawamura turns his head away, grumbling and still blushing. "You don't have to tease me."

Miyuki walks over to him and kisses him on the cheek. "I'm not teasing. I do like it when you blush, it puts a pretty expression on your face."

Despite his best efforts to stay pissed, Miyuki's words do make Sawamura soften a bit. He refuses to give Miyuki the satisfaction by blushing more than he already has. "Whatever. Let's just take the picture."

Miyuki and Sawamura kneel down to be on eye level with Chiyo and put both of their arms around her. Miyuki quickly runs up to the camera and set the timer.

"Okay! Everyone say cheese!"

They all bunch together tightly and smile. After the flash goes off, Miyuki goes to grab the camera. Sawamura and Chiyo run to see the picture. Once they see it, they all beam at each other.

The picture reflects Miyuki, Chiyo, and Sawamura all feel deep in their hearts-the feeling of being together, and the feeling of being one happy family.

* * *

 **A/N** : You can see the pictures on my tumblr, girlsandanimeboys


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